Thursday, March 03, 2005

Say No to Steroids

Rather than have this information leaked somewhere else, I want to let everyone know, in my own words, that for the last three and one half years I have been using steroids to get ahead in my career. Someone recently noted that in the latter half of 2002 I got remarkably funnier. Sadly, it may be that steroids were responsible for that improvement. That's probably how I landed a show.

I am terribly sorry. It was an ethical lapse, and I am no longer on the terrible drugs. I reached a point in my life where I had to ask myself a fundamental question: Is being successful in Hollywood worth all the back acne? It's not, I realized.

I would write more on the subject here but you'll be able to read all about my ordeal in my upcoming book, which should come out toward the end of April. It doesn't have a title yet, but it's guaranteed to be commercial because I name names. Steroid use is rampant in the comedy community. Just ask Chris Rock. How do you think he got the Oscars?
Ditto Ellen Degeneres. Didn't it strike anybody as odd that her career was seemingly in the toilet and then, suddenly, she gets her own daytime talk show and starts winning Emmy's? Anyone see her back lately? She wants it that way.

Keep your eyes peeled for my book in April. I blow the lid off this scandal.

5 comments:

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ooh! Laura! Pick me! Pick me!

Please let me design the shapely FREE bookmark to come with each purchase. I promise it to be funny and sex-ay.

Redlobo said...

As a woman all you get is back acne and an awesome career in Hollywood, but as a man all we get is the shriveled testicles and anger management classes. Thats why I use "Proactive." Proactiv Solution is a revolutionary acne skin care system discovered by millions to help banish breakouts and get clear skin. From people like you to superstars like Vanessa Williams, Judith Light, Stephanie Seymour and Elle Macpherson, our customers all say the same thing: Proactive Solution really works! Like the War in Iraq.

Anne Barlow said...

Think of them more as a badge of honor - like stretch marks!

Anonymous Scout said...

Are you afraid of being blacklisted in Hollywoord after being the whistle blower for such a rampant scandal? Think of the affect it will have on the children!

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