Thursday, March 31, 2005

No Actors Allowed

Anyone who doesn't think it's hard being an actor, just take a look at the kind of discrimination we face on a daily basis: "No Actor Parking in Lot." Though we be actors, do we not get tired of walking like regular people? Does not our make-up run in the blaring heat that is a March 31 noon sun? Just because we're not going to purchase a pita or get a Bally's gym membership (cause we're too poor and downtrodden), can we not park our cars in one of the plentiful spaces available in a parking lot?

No. We must fight one another like scavengers for street parking, or drop our last coins in high-priced meters, and then risk our lives crossing busy streets, praying we aren't run over before we get the privilege to compete for a role on the Oxygen Network. In the two minutes we get to dazzle a casting director, we squeeze in as much hip, funny "The View-ness" as we possibly can. And if we're lucky, we'll be as funny as our forehead is shiny.

And then we'll be off again, to another casting studio, where we'll, again, have to park blocks away. We also might have to change our outfits in our car, which will probably be parked across the street from a roach coach so day laborers can watch us squeeze into too-tight jeans as they wait to order a corn dog or grilled cheese sandwich.

What's my point? Only that we actors suffer great indignities in this place known for broken dreams.

78 comments:

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Enter said establishment. Begin transaction. At point of payment, inquire if person is an actor. If not stow away cash as you explain, and leave said establishment. “No actor? No bidness!”

This goes right along with my restaurant policy of: “No napkin? No tip!”

Had I ever gone to a strip club I may have a policy of: “No tits? No tip!”

Now, how’s that Laura? Betta? Ya like butta ya know! BUTTA!

RedLobo said...

Wow! I did not know being an actor in Hollywood was that tough. Plus your black, it must be double tough. I bet you being a woman makes it triple trouble. Maybe you should become Jewish. I heard from my sister's mother's cousin's best friend's hairdresser that being Jewish helps. Maybe you should start reading the Tora.

James McDone said...

If you are having trouble getting a job in Hollywood, why don't you come to Canada to find a job. You could ask Martin Sargent if he wants to redo 'Unscrewed with Martin Sargent' up here.

Robert said...

Hey you pay the price untill you reach the superstar level where people will fight to park your Diet Pepsi truck for you!!

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