Sunday, April 24, 2005

Corporate Gall

So there's a certain anti-depressant that I take. I won't mention which one I'm on specifically, but I will tell you that one of its side effects is weight gain. Let me also point out these two facts: I live in Los Angeles AND I spend a decent chunk of change each month on health insurance.

Now, before I started taking the stuff that I'm on, I knew that one of the side effects was weight gain. That's why I tried to get a different type of antidepressant. Maybe I'll try the "W" or the "C", I thought. So I got a prescription from my doctor for either the "W", "C", or "Z". Can't remember which one. Doesn't really matter. What matters is that when I went to get the prescription filled up, the pharmacy told me my insurance wouldn't cover it. Huh? Before I could try any of the other anti-depressants, I'd have to try this one first. The choice? Spend $130 or $10? I chose ten, and started taking these things.

Aside from excruciating migraines, nausea and projectile vomiting, I felt wonderful. For the first time in my life I was able to enjoy an episode of "Saved by the Bell" without feeling judged! I stopped hiding my DVD of the first three seasons of "SBTB", and displayed it prominantly on my Ikea media tower, alongside my Joan Collins first edition of "Love, Desire & Hate".

Life was grand...until I thought it'd be cute to wear a certain outfit for one of my shows. As I hiked up an old pair of jeans, I discovered the fit was dramatically more glove-like than the last time I'd worn them. I could no longer fit into them comfortably. This doesn't happen to me. Ever. I never literally get too big for my britches. Somehow, I did now.

To add to this textile debacle, consider, also, the fact that I run/hike for at least an hour four days a week. This is not an activity I adore. As I've said before, I'm lazy. Running and lazy don't go together. My commitment, however, is to find my next job. And since this is Hollywood, good things come to those who starve and/or exercise excessively.

Imagine my chagrin to find out that during my time of joy, I'd gained about 50 pounds. 50 pounds! All right, maybe a couple pounds less than 50. Closer to forty than to fifty certainly. And there's a slight possibility it was even less than ten pounds. The point is, I couldn't fit into my jeans, and I could sense that Hollywood might leave me for another woman.

So my question is this: How can a company market an "anti-depressant" when said antidepressant causes weight gain? Think about it. What's the one question every man on this planet dreads to hear? "Honey, does this make me look fat? Do I look fat in this? Me fat?" And if every hack comedian is to be believed, the wrong answer to that loaded question will catapult the woman into a shame spiral. And I think it's safe to say that if you're in a shame spiral, your antidepressants aren't working.

But maybe if I lived in the midwest I'd feel differently. After all, Midwesterners are salt of the earth, down-to-earth, no-bullshit types. They eat, drink beer and are happy. And if they're not happy, they're not exactly complaining about it. They're tough and practical. It's one reason I love Chicago. There's not a lot of BS, just bull...on hotdog buns, hamburger buns, etc. Even the vegetarian restaurants serve beef.

I digress. I will be switching brands as soon as I can. I refuse to work out and gain weight at the same time. So I'd like to shame the company that foisted this evil product on us. I'd mention the medication by name, but I'd probably get sued.


Also, podcast is less close than shoutcast. _ _ _cast. There are three lil' letters before the cast part. In addition, it's a service. You can get it for free or purchase it. I got it for free, got addicted to it, then purchased it. _ _ _cast is the new Bejewled for me.

By the way, I hate when people say blank is the new blank. As you can gather, I hate myself. But I love all of you.

28 comments:

Liz said...

Yup, same thing happened to me! On second thought I'm not so sure I should admit that freely.

It's national, you know. I'm from Indiana (aka the Midwest) and I feel the same way you do.

The Matt said...

I'm going to go with icecast, the GPL shoutcast.

Laura Swisher said...

i think icecast might be similar to
_ _ _cast, but i don't know. went to the icecast site. it's very technical. actually, it's barely technical, but that's enough to stump me.

anyway, i think this product is similar to the one i just got and love.

DogsDontPurr said...

You might try Prozac (or the generic version). It has the least potential for weight gain....or so I'm told. I've been on it for about a month now, and I've never felt so calm. And no weight gain!

Good luck!

huck said...

Can't believe I'm actually posting a comment to a blog and I probably won't do it again but I write simply to say that I enjoy reading your posts and I wish you all the best in your career. Somehow I managed to see you on the Fine Living Channel and I was impressed that you would make the effort to go to Peru and work hard to improve the lives of others. In retrospect it may seem like a small effort but you never know the long-term impact of your efforts. I also enjoy your writing style and I think you should consider publishing your comedy/satire if you haven't already. Good luck and keep up the good work.

RedLobo said...

Huck, I hate to say it but Laura's Posts are like crack, once you post you can never stop.

Laura you should be your own self and not worry about what others think of you or your weight. There have been several great obese black women as yourself that have had a great career in Hollywood. Neil Carter, Oprah Winfrey, Half the cast of UPN, and Aunt Jemima on that syrup. I heard UPN is looking for another sassy fat black woman for another hit series. You could kill two birds with one stone. Forget about the weight and get a job at UPN. I smell a hit, or bacon. MMM bacon. Sizzles and singes in a sea of salt and fat.

On second thought maybe I need some sort of Medication myself. I think I need to be committed. Sorry.

c_neil said...

I've never lived in Chicago, but I'm certain there's a lot of negativity and complaining in the midwest. There are more people on the chunky side though. One of the primary activities of my small community is eating fried game. It is turkey season now... yum.

Manny F said...

Two things. One. Are you gaining weight in all the right places or just the wrong ones? Two. I have a new game crack for you all forget ___cast. Go to yetisports.org and check that out.

Pope Benedict XVI said...

I'm thinking about geting a podcast, too. I'm going to call it a Popecast. I want to start a new trend.

Aaron said...

wellbutrin...zoloft...i was trying to figure out the one that starts with a C. I thought Cialis, but that's not exactly for depression...then again I guess it depends on how you look at it.

But seriously, I can relate..slightly. As someone who's had some depression issues, but never took drugs for it, I know that weight gain would definitely be counter productive. Perhaps you should have spent the $130. You get what you pay for...sometimes

Aaron said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aaron said...

and this ___cast thing has me going.

do you mean ampcast?

Aaron said...

nah...can't be nevermind

Butternut said...

I hear from some friends of mine that Lexapro works well. You might have a hard time getting it on insurance though. Also try getting a "Yes-man". Hey, it works for big corporations. Why should they have all the fun.

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