Monday, April 04, 2005

Remote Control Hunting...Finally!

I'm really excited. I'm going hunting this weekend for the second time in my entire life. I went dove hunting when I was ten or eleven. It sucked. I had to turn off the TV and leave the house to go, interrupting what would normally have been an exciting block of Saturday morning cartoons. Then there was the matter of getting to the location, some two hours outside of Tucson in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by jumping cactus and palos verde trees. We didn't have a dove whistle. I don't know if dove whistles exist or not, but I'd hoped we could blow some kind of whistle and the doves would come to us. That way I wouldn't have to walk. The desert sun taunted me that day. Literally. It called me names. Or maybe that was the peyote. Can't recall. Suffice to say that I didn't kill any doves that day. They can waddle pretty fast. The man who took me shot some. It saddened me because I ruined a pair of new K-Swiss sneakers to coyote dung. The only saving grace was when we ate dove pate later on in the week. Still, I could have eaten it without actually going on the excursion.

Anyway, that was the last time I went hunting. But now, I've discovered I can hunt in Texas...from California! I have to act fast, however, because a lot of buzzkills want to ban the practice.

According to someone who works for the company, online hunting is great for those people who love hunting, but are unable to get outdoors, like handicap people and me. Actually, I can get outdoors, but I have a lot going on in my life, like acting class and...well, acting class, that prevents me from making the effort to run around in the wilderness. Plus, I'm scared of fire ants and Texans.

I look forward to virtually-hunting alongside my wheelchair-bound brothers and sisters.

Also, if you shoot an animal, you can have them ship the meat to you. With any luck I can host a dinner party next week and serve venison, or whatever I happen to kill.


Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Do they have anything like this for Kroger's or Wal-Mart? I'm more of a gatherer than I am a hunter.

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