Sunday, May 29, 2005

When Lemonade Stands Aren't Enough

When I was in high school and needed to earn a few extra bucks to feed my vinyl record addiction, I did what a lot of kids do and got a job at the local market. The local market was run by a family of Born Agains and I swear I heard one of the owner's six-year-old daughter say, "Daddy says ballet is ungodly-like." This when we were in the midst of a lambada craze--the forbidden dance.

The woman I reported to had been a coke head and alcoholic in her hedonistic days and was fond of saying things like, "I love everyone," though on one occasion I heard her say, "I hate that family," and then, realizing that contradicted her newfound enlightenment, hastily added, "Well, I don't hate them." Her first statement was correct, and arguably justifiable, should she have to explain herself in the afterlife. The family was hateful, a mother/son pairing of iniquity, the kind of people who would try and get me to ring up an entire shopping cart full of groceries at the bakery register, knowing full well they were supposed to go to the other half of the store where actual grocery items were rung up. They were also ugly, mother and son alike.

The point is, I did my time at the market. I endured thousands of annoying customers, stocked and restocked the salad bar hundreds of times, sold countless croissants and muffins and made the occasional shake at the yogurt bar. I worked in the store's salad bar/bakery/yogurt island, and was also in charge of maintaining the coffee supply. People get really upset if there's not any vanilla nut ready. Really upset.

Working a crap job is kind of a rite of passage. After all, at sixteen or seventeen, what else is there?

If you're from Chalmette, Louisiana, apparently there's also prostitution. The entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in this Mississippi River town, home of "The Fighting Owls" and the "Chalmette Cemetery." It's also the home of a sixteen year old girl turned pimp. Excuse me? Yes indeed. A sixteen year old girl got herself in the business of pimping out her two fifteen year old girlfriends to taxi drivers and a possible seaman. Unfortunately, the girl pimp never achieved madame status because one of the girl's mothers found out and talked to the cops.

The sad thing is (though it's all pretty sad) that the fifteen year olds barely made any money. The pimp, as pimps are wont to do, kept most of it but would give the girls some cash to buy snacks and cigarettes.

Curious, I did a quick job search of the Chalmette area and discovered a decent number of opportunities in the hospitality sector, not to mention the chance to be on an MTV series. I also discovered that if pimpette could have held out for a few years, she might be eligible to get a job with Make it Count, an organization that books motivational speakers at high schools. If you can make two fifteen year old girls turn tricks, there's no telling what you can do with an auditorium full of students.

Sidenote: If YOU think you have what it takes to motivate students, and you live in the Northern LA area, you ought to consider this great job opportunity. Here are some qualifications
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I guess I think high school students should wait a few years before they pimp or turn tricks. Furthermore, prostitution is so much more special if you wait.

But what do I know?

53 comments:

Yogifish said...

So now with that said...

...When will you be making that film?


16 year old female pimp ... I'll buy a ticket.

:)

Kevekev101 said...

Being a prostitute at the age of 15 is probably best for these girls, while they're still in thier money making years. Pimping at 16 is way too young. They should at least wait until 18.

Butternut said...

I worked a grocery job too. Hated it. Made me realize I'm not cut out to work directly with people in that customer service way. People annoy me, always asking for help and such. The cute girls were always put in bakery.

Never considered pimping. Maybe it's time for a career change. Maybe not, sounds like bagging groceries again. "Natural or plastic?".

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