I honestly don't know if my neighbor is a sex offender or not. I'm acting on the assumption he isn't because he has a really cute dog and I can't imagine sex offenders would have a Ridgeback as their dog of choice. On top of that he hasn't assaulted me yet and I've worn some outfits that I think would test any offender's willpower. By that I mean sometimes walk my dog in short shorts and a spaghetti strap top in the morning. It's what I sleep in and I'm often too lazy to change before taking Bean out. It's really not all that hot, but to someone with those kind of demons, it would be hard to resist.
Why am I even talking about sex offenders? Because the National Sex Offender Public Registry is now online. For whatever reason, California's database is inaccessible (perhaps because CA has its own list...?). I don't know how to see who lives in my neck of the woods. Instead I did searches on places where I used to live, mainly Arizona. Sure enough, when I typed in some of my old zip codes, many a pockmarked face popped up. Actually, one zip code only yielded one guy. Perhaps I lived in an undesirable rape neighborhood. It was kind of out in the boonies, leading me to believe that rapists and child molesters are afraid of rattlesnakes. But when I checked a neighborhood near the University, well, rapists/molesters aplenty.
Here is what I learned from a 10 minute perusal of this site. You always here that it's impossible to know what "bad people" look like. They're supposed to look like everyone else, right? Wrong. Judging from the pics I just looked at, bad people look like bad people. Granted, there were a couple guys that just looked out of shape in a non-threatening way, but the rest of them were scary looking. So I've compiled a short list of things to watch out for:
--Oddly-colored skin (maybe hepatitis-hued with sunburn thrown in, a yellowish red)
--Eyes that are uneven
--Poorly groomed facial hair
--General level of unattractiveness
If you're at all like me, you tend to avoid people like this automatically, on instinct. So there's a good chance my shallowness could save my life.
Before you get all upset and point out that there are, in fact, attractive sex offenders, and that dangerous people come in all shapes and sizes, allow me to point out some exceptions to the rules. My main argument is that people who end up on the National Sex Offenders list are, for the most part, scary looking. That doesn't mean that ONLY scary-looking people are bad. It just means that scary looking people don't have access to good legal representation.
There are plenty of attractive, well-dressed, well-groomed sex offenders. These sex offenders socialize together and are often members of elitist organizations known for keg parties and khaki pants. These guys won't end up on the national list because their fathers are lawyers, judges or captains of industry. Just know to be wary if you date a guy who wears Abercrombie & Fitch. That's all I'm going to say about that.
If anyone knows why the national registry doesn't have CA on it, please lemme know. Also, to my good friends Eva and Kelley, you guys have some sketchy folks living in your hood. See above pic.