Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I Need to Vomit More

This is the conclusion I arrived at this morning after reading about a new series called Starved. One of its marketing hooks is that it uses a cast that has "actual eating disorders." Really? This is news? What about every other series on television? They're full of *thesparexics. It's sometimes difficult to distinguish between an actual thesparexic and a coke head, but drug addiction is technically a disorder so it might not matter.

So today it dawned on me that I don't vomit enough. Couple that fact with my penchant for cherry cobbler at 11pm at night and you can see why "Starved" producers weren't knocking on my door.

The thing is, I can change. I just need to get a little bit more discipline and I'll be in business. No more snacks of roquefort cheese with syrah. No more walking up hills. I'm going to become a weight-loss extreme...right after lunch. Then IT'S ON!

Either that or you'll see me on a new show called "Stuffed," a series that uses actors who finish their meals. In Los Angeles, that's going to be hard to cast.




*thesparexic - an actor/actress who is also anorexic

16 comments:

Clinton Freeman said...

I could guess what "thesparexic" meant, but I had to lookup "syrah".
I don't think you could meet the requirement for Stuffed. You would have to be so busy eating that you would only have time to refer to as "wine and cheese."
You wouldn't distinquish between "roquefort cheese with syrah" and "a bottle Cheeze Wiz and a box of red wine".
You just aren't gluttonous enough. Sorry

VagabondLoafer said...

Yeah Clinton, this beer drinker had to look up Syrah too.

Laura, I’m the kind of guy that wouldn’t mind holding your hair while you vomit. But, if your vomiting made me also vomit you’d have to wash your hair.

Butternut said...

As I have posted earlier I do know my Syrah from my elbow, but I'm more of a Fontina-type than the full blue mildew cheese-type.

When I used to have hair down to my Syrah I held it my damn self as I did the Technicolor yawn! That's what real men do!

Having seen eating disorders first hand I gotta say they are pretty overrated. I mean, sure there's the ribs ribs and more ribs part. But they don't tell you about the ulcers and your front teeth falling out from all the acid. I mean, where's the fun in all-you-can-eat if you have to use false teeth. Sheesh.

I wrote a whole poem on the difference between skinny girls and slender ones for my AP high school English class. Got a C. I think it was because my teacher was gay. Boy don't know what a good set of hips are for!

I want cherry cobbler dammit! And bread pudding. God I love that stuff. And Caprese.

http://www.annamariavolpi.com/caprese.html

Hey Laura, what's for dinner?

jeremyc said...

who need's diets when you have PURE PROTEIN!
WORK THOSE GYROS!
*flexes* :D

ChozSun said...

caprese: tomatoes, olive oil and mozzarella... what's not to love?

I am going to go make sushi. Food talk makes me hungry.

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