Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Opposite of Queer

I submit "The Opposite of Queer" as the Army's new slogan, as in: Join the Army...It's the Opposite of Queer. "Army of One" and "Be All that You Can Be" aren't in-your-face enough, and probably won't help the military reach their recruiting goals, which were falling short.

Some may say my slogan is immature, but those people are just stupid. They haven't researched the science of effective sloganeering like I have. According to the science, men are far more prone to act irrationally when their masculinity is threatened. There is a quantifiable link between childhood humiliation and Monster Truck enthusiasts. The larger the tires a man has on his truck, the greater the humiliations he experienced as a child. It's a fact.

I'm merely suggesting that we exploit the "queer fear" in men while our country is at war. We obviously need more volunteers.

Who's with me?


Butternut said...

The Army... We have jobs!
... It's a dry heat.
... Soon it will be manditory.
... If you don't you're a fag (for Laura)
... We kill, torture, pillage, and kidnap more people before 8AM than Enron and Worldcom!
... What are you? A wuss?

Evyatar said...

I think we can use this for other causes, other than the army. How about...

"Help feed the hungry, Unless you're a FAG"


"Adopt helpless animals, Unless you're a FAG"

You know, make the world a better place

Laura Swisher said...

I love both of your suggestions. Army: We have jobs. That's spot on.

Of course we should expand this beyond recruitment. It's all so clear to me now.

Misterfitz said...

I think they could do a whole "...unless your a FAG!" campaign.

In fact, they're desperate enough with the new ones that are out that they might.

Have you seen these. The kid is trying to convince Dad that it's a good idea.

Kid "Dad, they'll give me training."
Dad "Good training."
Kid "No, you stupid sonofabitch, lousy training. I'll be dead in six months."

I think it needs more work. :)