Thursday, July 20, 2006
Laura Swisher, Professional Harasser
I've been searching for a job that will be an instant conversation stopper at dinner parties and today, I think I've found it. It might involve relocating to Greenwich, Connecticut, but it will be worth it.
I am going to send a cover letter and resume to Geese Relief to see if I can convince them to hire me as a professional geese harasser. They apparantly use border collies to drive birds away, but I would personally pitch in. "Hey Goose! I'm talkin' to YOU! You call that a waddle? I've seen better waddles on a sparrow. You make me sick."
That was just off the top of my head. If given a shot, I'm sure I could come up with more effective taunts.
Don't be surprised if some of you get emails from Geese Relief asking for character references on me. Please sing my praises. Let them know I can harass like nobody's business. Okay? I'm counting on you guys.