Monday, October 20, 2008

Today's Big Thought

If we could invent a car that ran on hate, we could wean ourselves off foreign oil. We could harness all the world's hatred and save the planet! I generate enough hatred in two hours to power a moped from Los Feliz to Santa Monica, and I don't even deal with parking enforcement anymore.

I don't know what to do now. I'm hoping one of you will figure out how this technology will work.


Butternut said...

As you can see, Fear is a powerful fuel but it is not environmentally friendly. We need to cut back on our use of it even though we have more than enough supply in our country and don't need to import a drop. It is a matter of national security.

We need to get one of those Volkswagen vans from the 60's that runs on Love and convert it to be a hybrid. Then it will run on both Love and Hate. If we put you in one seat and a dirty hippy in the other and we can drive wherever you want to oil-free. Hate alone will only get us to the corner pub and you don't seem like the football hooligan type.

Personally, I run on caffeine and silent rage. It's a green fuel, cheap, carbonless, and mostly odorless. The fist shaking and arm waving helps me save on the heating bills but it sucks in the summer. My neighbors do complain about the occasional outbursts of "Not this shit again!" but they can suck it.

tankboy2902 said...

Butternut, that's exactly the kind of innovation Americans are famous for! We still got it! Will you still blog with us when you're loaded? Toyota and Honda will probably be contacting you shortly to capitalize on your idea. Detroit will initially poopoo your idea then, when forced, embrace it reluctantly. At least they still get that right. Everyone should embrace poopoo reluctantly. Still, I see several problems.

Big Oil will say America doesn't have sufficient supplies of domestic hate. They'll say we have to increase the importation of foreign hate which, of course, they control. Barack says he has a plan to specifically reduce foreign hatred. This does not bode well for us. Big Oil will respond with a call for offshore drilling of Haterade. I hate to think of the consequences of a large spill of Haterade washing up on Miami's South Beach during the height of the tourist season. Hot, young, topless babes never fare well in beach riots.

Detroit will say they're going to build fuel efficient microbuses, but then they'll start adding features. Video screens, dvd players, showers for the hippies, twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and a place for your stash. Back to square one.

This country hit Peak Hippy in 1970. Jim Kunstler is sure of it. Where are we supposed to find the hippies necessary for love-powered transportation? How's the Haight doing? Yes, the hippies return to Chapel Hill in April, but we still don't know where they go for the winter. That's an unstable supply. With supplies being tight I can see us quickly draining Amsterdam of all its hippies. The Europeans will not appreciate it. Obviously we're going to have to send massive amounts of American teens to Amsterdam for conversion to love-powered hippies if we're going to keep our transportation system going. I see our youth resisting this just as they resisted the Iraq war. Remember "No Blood For Oil?" Shortly I expect to be seeing "No Pot For Oil."

You've opened up a can of worms, Butternut.

How many miles per gallon do they get anyway?

Butternut said...

I love Haterade. I especially love their "Race Riot" flavor. One half of the bottle is white, the other black, and when you mix it up it explodes. At least that's what their advertising says. Every time I mix it up it just turns brown. Tastes great though.

I think Detroit is already working on a poopoo powered car.

America would burn through Amsterdam's hippy supply in a week. If we can convert Slackers we might be alright.