Look, I waited in line for 1/2 hour to dab ink dots on paper and I'm tired. If Starbucks and Krispy Kreme want to give me free coffee and donuts, I don't need no stinkin' national reporter to tell me this practice might be illegal. The whole point of voting is to let other people know you're better than them by wearing an "I voted" sticker and to get free products. Am I right? Don't answer that. I'm right. I know it.
Ben & Jerry's is offering free ice cream today, which is great, but I don't live near a Ben & Jerry's. Why isn't Baskin Robbins in on this? Why does B&R hate America? Regardless, I'm going to walk into my neighborhood Baskin Robbins and demand a free scoop. If they say no, I will never visit another Baskin Robbins for as long as I live. I suggest you all do the same.
I'm wasting valuable time writing this. I need to get my bribe on.