Tuesday, March 10, 2009

When Chimps [plan for] Attack!

Lest you think feces or rock throwing were spontaneous events launched by chimps in the heat of the moment, they're not.
WASHINGTON (AFP) - A scientist who watched a rock-throwing chimpanzee gather an arsenal to use against zoo visitors said his research could prove primates prepare for the future in a similar way to humans.

Over the course of a decade researcher Mathias Osvath said he watched Santino, a male chimpanzee, calmly collect stones and fashion concrete discs before visitors arrived each day at a Swedish zoo.

Later, the chimp would hurl the rocks across a moat toward onlookers.
This proves two things I already knew: 1) Chimps plan for the future and 2) Swedish people suck.

I have no doubt one of the chimps at the zoo was forced to assemble a Leksvik with one of those crappy allen wrenches, only to find that the thing fell apart the minute he climbed on it. This after he walked the 13 miles through Ikea to even find the section he wanted, all the while stuck behind hordes of couples stopping at every piece of furniture as they plan their new home together and wondered if the Grankulla Munkarp would fit in the breakfast nook, or if they should play it safe and get the Lycksele Havet instead.

Of COURSE the chimps planned their attacks carefully. If humans were smart, we'd do the same. Maybe then we'd have sturdier furniture that assembled easily.


We Like Sportz said...
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tankboy2902 said...

...A group of vaginas is called a View. You too crazy, Butternut.

tankboy2902 said...

Proof that Santino is intelligent?...

He knows better than to throw a rock at Chuck Norris.

Butternut said...

Thanks Tankboy. I am particularly proud of that one.

Stones don't kill people, monkeys do. They should take away all the rocks. No more problems.

Monkeys are planning for our destruction. All they need is an infinite amount of typewriters to write their manifesto and organize. Then we are really in trouble. Screw the rocks, keep them away from typewriters. We should put safeties on them. The typewriters, not the monkeys.

When's the last time you saw a typewriter. Dang, we need to update our word problems.