Monday, September 21, 2009

Playboy Makes You Gay

This is Michael Schwartz, Senator Tom Coburn's (R-OK) Chief of Staff. In this video he asserts that "all pornography is homosexual pornography". Why? Because "it turns your sexuality inward." I'm not sure exactly what that means, unless Michael's erections are different than the rest of the male population. I don't actually want to know.

He also thinks that this is a good message to tell young boys. If they watch porn, they're gay. That'll make 'em think twice.

Michael delivered this address at the Values Voter summit. Here's the irony. Those areas where folks are the most religious in this country, also happen to be the areas with the highest teen pregnancy rates. Many of those states are the ones in favor of "Abstinence Only" programs, which do not work. Mississippi promoted religion and abstinence at a rally featuring Granada High School cheerleaders chanting: "Stop! Don't touch me there! This is my no no square!" Because that's a sure-fire way to get teens to abstain, have them invoke the cool phrase "my no no square." I remember the first time I used the phrase. It was last week. I was on a second date with a guy. We kissed. I then told him, "Listen, I think you're great. I just want you to know that until there's a ring on my finger, you won't be able to touch my no no square." I haven't heard from him again.

It's clear he wasn't right for me. I'm now going to come up with other chants I think the kidz will enjoy. Feel free to share any suggestions you may have.


Butternut said...

I am not your #$%!@*& whore.
Just go home and masturbate.
Except don't use porn,
Because that makes you gay.

Welcome back Swish.

Laura Swisher said...

Dig it, Butternut. I want to use it now.