Monday, July 18, 2011

Buh-Bye Bedbugs

So a friend of mine in New York just had an exterminator come to his house to check for bed bugs. If you've been following the news, bedbugs are a huge problem in NYC. His apartment is safe...for now. But in talking to him (okay, IM-ing) I realized just how traumatizing the specter of bedbug infestation must be to East Coasters (and anywhere else bedbugs are a big problem) so I decided to spend five minutes this morning on trying to come up with a way to eradicate the problem.

Here are some facts:
Bedbugs are found in beds.
Bedbugs feast on human blood.
Bedbugs are sneaky and come out at night.
Bedbugs are resistant to pesticides.

So what's the solution? Decoy living rooms and bedrooms. Bedbugs are tiny, between 4-5 millimeter in length. What if they had access to tiny beds? Tiny couches? Tiny people? My guess is they'd eat what's closest to them, rather than make the long, arduous trek to your huge bed or couch. So if you fear your home might be the target of these creatures, run to the nearest store and buy yourself a bunch of doll furniture and place it somewhere in the house as far away from your actual bedroom as possible. If you have dandruff, I'd recommend shaking your dander all over the furniture as bait. In addition, add a blood trough to the bed so they stay on the mini-furniture. When enough bedbugs infest the decoy bedroom, set the decoy bedroom on fire. Then start the process over again.

I'm not an entomologist so I haven't field-tested this idea, but I'm 98% sure it will work. If you try this, drop me a note to let me know how successful it was for you.


HDCase said...

True serendipity. I literally just finished a scorched-earth, nuke them from orbit, clean and spray, hunter-killer assault on the recurring bedbugs in my Brooklyn apartment. The first thing I did after was sit down at my clean (fingers crossed) desk and click a random link on Nick Adams'(the comedian) site and found your blog. I'm not superstitious, but this is a sign. I am now building a decoy apartment within my apartment.

Pneumonica said...

That's an awesome idea! I'm a law student (no, my name's not Josephine) and one of my classmates is actually doing an article on the EPA not allowing the use of any pesticides that actually work on bedbugs. I'm going to link her this idea! I think she can write a whole section in it, and you'll be cited!

Arianna said...

I must say you have done a amazing job. keep your will high and you will made it one day.
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M said...

Good to see your staying busy and getting payed. I think I'm the other type of artist the one that goes from one trait to the next. First, it was music at SMC now its Photography at ASU. Sure wish I had my head on a little straighter when we did that improv in Arron Speiser Class. Keep up the good work your looking great.