Rather than have this information leaked somewhere else, I want to let everyone know, in my own words, that for the last three and one half years I have been using steroids to get ahead in my career. Someone recently noted that in the latter half of 2002 I got remarkably funnier. Sadly, it may be that steroids were responsible for that improvement. That's probably how I landed a show.
I am terribly sorry. It was an ethical lapse, and I am no longer on the terrible drugs. I reached a point in my life where I had to ask myself a fundamental question: Is being successful in Hollywood worth all the back acne? It's not, I realized.
I would write more on the subject here but you'll be able to read all about my ordeal in my upcoming book, which should come out toward the end of April. It doesn't have a title yet, but it's guaranteed to be commercial because I name names. Steroid use is rampant in the comedy community. Just ask Chris Rock. How do you think he got the Oscars?
Ditto Ellen Degeneres. Didn't it strike anybody as odd that her career was seemingly in the toilet and then, suddenly, she gets her own daytime talk show and starts winning Emmy's? Anyone see her back lately? She wants it that way.
Keep your eyes peeled for my book in April. I blow the lid off this scandal.