Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Clean Mouth

But first, Starbucks Presents The Way I See It #28
"Our schools can be fixed! It is my belief all children deserve a quality school in their neighborhood that will not only serve as a place of learning, but a haven of safety. I believe that educators along with the citizens of our country can make this happen." -- Betsy Rogers, 2003 National Teacher of the Year. She teaches at Leeds Elementary in Jefferson County, Alabama

Here's a little behind the scenes info: Betsy Rogers' quote drew fire for her controversial stance that all children deserve a quality school and a safe environment. I do give her credit for having the courage to make the statement, to go on record saying that ALL children deserve a quality school. I've always felt that 58% of children should have access to a quality education, but ALL?! That's crazy! And then Betsy goes ahead and drops another huge bomb: schools should be a haven of safety. What?! I didn't realize we had Communists teaching our children these days. Betsy Rogers has proved me wrong.

Back to my mouth. It's clean. Went to the dentist today. Luckily the dental chair I sat in was broken, so instead of laying down in a reclined, comfortable, position, I got a crick in my neck. Not to brag or anything, but the hygienist said I have good gums. Hardly any bleeding. Yeah, I floss.

Here's where the drama comes...I go to leave and, guess what? My insurance company has terminated me. I get to spend 1/2 hour calling the wrong people to sort everything out. Four separate phone calls. Four call menus--if you're calling about claims, press one, if you're a dental care provider press two, if you have questions about balance info or payment press three, if you want to shoot yourself press four. Invalid entry. Invalid entry. Invalid Entry. Hold music. What's your SS number? Your not in the system. Call this number. Ma'am, we have nothing to do with that. You need to call this number. Ring. If you'd like to...

This process repeats itself two more times until I get the right person. I AM in the system. Woo hoo! BUT...the one company has to tell the other company to update their records and that will take 72 hours. In the meantime, the first company isn't allow to verify that I'm in the system because they have to send the records to the other company and then THAT company tells the dental office, but I've already had my appointment. So I now have to write a check and then submit for reimbursement after the second company decides it's okay to recognize me.

Have I mentioned at all that I hate insurance companies? I hate insurance card companies and credit card companies. They're evil. I think we should be able to charge late fees to them. If I'm on hold for more than 15 minutes, or it takes me more than 15 minutes to deal with a labyrinthine phone system, I should be able to deduct that waste of time from the bill. Every time I have to call a different number because these workers don't know what they're talking about, $5.00. Automatically. Too bad no one cares about citizens anymore.

Any other annoying factoids? A spawn of celebrity ruined my morning yesterday. I had planned on meeting a friend of mine at 9am to go hiking and at 8am I get a call from her, "Change of plans. Blankety Blank has strep throat. He's not going to school. I've got to get over there." And since strep throat is one of those illnesses that lingers, who knows when we can do this again. My friend is Blankety Blank's nanny. He's the son of divorced celebrities. I can't reveal more than that. Except this: he was born with a fin in the middle of his back that was removed by plastic surgeons when he was three. The father had the fin stuffed and mounted as a cute reminder of his son's deformity. Now it gathers dust on the wall in the study.

That's all I'll say on the matter.

21 comments:

RedLobo said...

Damn! Your life sucks. I thought getting a flat tire the other day was bad. Your like a damn magnet for trouble. I guess that is why I read your blog day in and day out because my life is peachy (sorry) compared to yours. You must have done something bad in your past, like killed someone, because Karma's a bitch. Hopefully, this post will further depress you and you and Mr. Bloggerific will get you on the rebound.

samureye said...

Wow Laura, you....actually have a good life. I mean, do you have any idea how many people go through life and never have the chance to not do something because of something like strp throat? Okay, i have no idea what i just said and why i said it. I like you and your blog Laura, but watch yourself, the blog seems to be like a cyborg that wants to take over your postition and soon it'll be Laura Swisher's blog's Laura Swisher instead of Laura Swisher's blog. Catch my drift? Of course not, after watching crap like fomula d, why would anyone want anything to do with drifting or catching? I'll shut up now because if you, Laura happen to read this, you may angry and will be getting even more angrier for reading what i have here.

Peace out.

northside777 said...

You got lucky that the insurance company will straighten this out. Most companies would probably tell you to stick it and blame you for the problem.

Are you going to do any comedy shows outside of LA anytime soon?

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I don't care what state you live in, "mounting your son's fin" just sounds naughty and wrong to me.

Butternut said...

You just should be happy with the way you are... unless you have a fin on your back. That's just wrong.

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