Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Molly & Jake: The Two Whitest Names in America

Imani & DeShawn: the two blackest.

Top two crossover names, shared by both blacks and whites: Pach Pach & Yok-Seng. I know, pretty obvious.

Got these fun facts from an article in Slate today. One of the questions addressed in the article is how do children with really black names fare in life? If an employer gets identical resumes from a Shaniqua and a Molly, who will get the interview? Take a wild guess. And yet, it's not as cut and dry as you might think.

In other news, the NEW FOOD PYRAMID IS IN!!!!! And guess what? There are now TWELVE different pyramids to choose from, and you choose which one is right for you. I'm sure you're all dying to learn what we're supposed to be eating. If you need to check it out right away, go to the government website.

I went to the website as soon as I learned about it and watched the helpful animation . Then I transcribed the narration so I could share it with you people. I'm sure you're all lazy and out of shape. After all, you're reading this blog. And since it takes a lot of energy to change screens, here's how the new pyramid works:


After twelve years it was time for USDA to update the food guide pyramid to reflect the government’s new dietary guidelines, including balancing what we eat with our physical activity. To do this, we tipped the pyramid on its side. Now all the food groups’ bands run from the top of the pyramid to the base. The different sizes of bands show the proportions of foods we should eat from each food group. The bands are much wider at the base to remind us to eat mostly foods without solid fats and added sugar.

Orange is for grains. Remember to make half of them whole grains.

Green is for vegetables. Don’t forget to eat dark green and orange ones.

Red is for fruits: fresh, canned, frozen or dried.

Blue is for milk products. Go for low-fat or fat-free.

Purple is for meat and beans. Choose lean meats and poultry, and more fish, beans, nuts and seeds.

Yellow is for oils. In addition to the five food groups, choose your oils carefully.

Now, physical activity or exercise. No matter what you call it, the steps remind us to be active everyday. One pyramid does not fit all of us, so we created twelve different ones depending on how many calories you need, and how active you are. There’s one that’s just right for you, at www.mypyramid.gov, for steps to a healthier you.


I'm suddenly nostalgic for the old, simple pyramid with pictures in it. The new one requires a color chart and is not that easy to understand. Sure, it's obvious we should eat only a thin purple band of meats, but what does that mean? A pork chop? Slice of meat loaf? One hamburger? JUST TELL ME THE NUMBER OF SERVINGS!

Ah, but that depends on which food pyramid fits your lifestyle. I have yet to look into what pyramid is right for me. I will probably assign myself to the more active one, even if it's just wishful thinking. Then again, I live in Los Angeles. Working out is the law. I saw a parking enforcement official give someone a ticket whose meter hadn't even expired. The vehicle owner was incensed, arguing over how much time she had left. Turns out she was cited for chunky thighs. It was a warning citation but when swimsuit season hits, May 21st, the city's going to start fining people. Plus-size models are exempt, however, if they've worked in the past twelve months.

Also, I like that the red band allows for fresh, canned, frozen or dried fruits. Makes me wonder if Del Monte had a hand in that, having the government specifically point out that canned foods counted. I think just maybe.

I know the food lobbyists played a part in structuring the final outcome. I won't say anything, though, because food groups are powerful and I'd hate to be on their poop list. Remember when Oprah got sued by the Beef lobby? Whatever she said caused sales of beef to drop and the lobby went nuts, sued her for "disparaging" beef. Huh? Food can be disparaged? FYI: Oprah won the case. She's rich enough to fight the beef lobby. That's pretty rich.

I wonder if I can get any food lobbies to come after me...?

Hey Pork, hot dogs make people fat. And they're funny looking. SNAP! What'choo got to say to that, pork?

I'm just kidding! Pork is great, and great for you. And great 4 kidz as well.

I'm clearly mental. And I clearly have way too much time on my hands this morning.

I'm going to go walk my dog.

26 comments:

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

This is MY idea of a food pyramid:

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RedLobo said...

Your posts are informative and hilarious as usual, however I question when you post. Sometimes your posts sound...well...kinda of crazy. They bounce from idea to idea like Micheal Jackson at Chucky Cheese. Do you post right when you get up? Have you eaten anything before you post (Low Blood Suger)? Do you close one eye and spin around in your chair before you post? I do.

Jim-Bob said...

Spotaniety is the sweetest fruit of life. You can quote me on that if you'd like, and then send me a thousand dollars. ...I'm serious, I own all rights to that statement! Don't you dare! Don't you...oh, now you've done it! You're going down, Swish, down! I will sue you in the highest court that the change from a five from a McDonalds value meal can buy!

...I really had nothing better to do than to type that, did I? *sigh*

DogsDontPurr said...

Remember when there were only four food groups?? (That was way back in the way back.) In the meat square, they listed "dried beans and peas." I always wondered why they had to be "dried"? Did that somehow make them meatier??

Tacitus said...

I'm interested in seeing how this new food plan works out. I think it's smart to individualize to different people, but is it specific enough? It also leaves excersize out as a group. Oh well, we'll see in time.

Amadeo said...

Thank you I will from now on only use my initials when applying for anything...R.J. sounds white right?

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