Friday, April 15, 2005

Religious Fundamentalists Are Boring

I'd prefer Religious Mentalists instead. If someone's telling me I'm going to go to hell for my beliefs, It would be cool if they could bend a fork at the same time. Ask yourselves this: If a Jehova's Witness asked you to think of a certain animal, then pulled a wallet out of his pants, opened the wallet and pulled out a folded, stapled piece of paper that opened up to reveal a sketch of the animal you were thinking of, wouldn't you invite him into your home? I think I would too. But not before I called a bunch of my friends. "Guess what? There's a Jehova's Witness at my house! You gotta come over!"

I would have so much more respect for Religious Mentalists than Religious Fundamentalists. Even the really scary ones like Eric Rudolph who was finally convicted for the Atlanta bombing during the Summer Olympics, as well as bombing a women's clinic that provided abortions. He's nothing more than terrorist. But if he had bombed a women's health clinic with his mind, I might truly start to wonder if it were, indeed, God's will. But he used hum drum, though fatal, explosive devices. How quaint and unimpressive.

Here's something that baffles me. How is it that people can take the Bible literally?. The story of Noah's Ark should raise a red flag. Sure, it's cute to think of zebras, elephants and giraffes walking in pairs onto the Lido deck, but it quickly starts to get complicated. What of the worms that have both the male and female sex. Are there two of them? How 'bout the organisms we can't see with the naked eye, do they come on board as well? Even the ugly animals? I mean, it's two of EVERYTHING. Did they have a huge aquarium in the boat for aquatic life? No, that would probably be stupid. Aquatic life could survive the storm. How 'bout AIDS? Did that come on board as well? Was AIDS told to relax a couple thousand years? Hang out playing shuffleboard until the '80s? "You, too, Ebola. Relax. In fact, you might want to work out in the gym for a millenia so you can be strong. Come out with a bang."

But thinking about these things closely is inconvenient. If there's any doubt that facts get in the way of faith, you need only visit the creation science fair project online (see link from above paragraph). Here's are two Creation "Science" Fair Winners:

1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"

Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Charming.

I now have to get off my lil' soapbox and meet a friend for coffee.

14 comments:

MastaShaq said...

i think ill find where that jonathan goode kid lives so i can kick him in the nuts, what a prick.

i like to debate about religion with my christian friends, plus its fun to ask them about stuff, present them with a paradox and see what they do, its fun. ive pissed off one of my friends so much though that they wont even talk to me about christianity any more, so he basically has stopped talking to me, because that is ALL he talks about.

That other project, the one that won 1st place. They shouldve had a control-- another jar in which they make god create life from nothing, since if it didnt come from non-life then it must come from god...

Jim-Bob said...

Jonathan Goode just sounds like a wife-beater waiting to happen.

~Jim-Bob
(formerly Adam)

RedLobo said...

Shut up woman! Go get me a beer, and some buffalo wings. Why? Because God said so in the bible. It's under Isaac 3:127. Bitch don't make me backhand your ass back to the dark ages, go get my beer.

I know that there is a heaven and a hell because God is going to send me to hell for that comment above.

c_neil said...

Criticize all you want, just remember that the faith is not invalidated because Christians read the Holy Bible and commit logical fallacies to reach bigoted and idiotic conclusions.

Jesus truly was the greatest person to ever live, and I think he is still living. I also believe that God created the world deliberately and with purpose.

Laura Swisher said...

C_Neil,
You'll note the heading is Religious Fundamentalists. Fundamentalists. I have no problem with anyone's belief system if it's not imposed on me. Furthermore, there are many religious people to be admired--the ones who actually do attempt to look out for those less fortunate, and exact positive change. It's hypocrites like Ralph Reed, Tom De Lay et al that I have a problem with. And if Jesus were alive today, I don't think he'd be a gay/woman-bashing Republican.

northside777 said...

I am sure that Jesus would be part of a political party that support killing unborn babies and disabled people. I mean socialism has so many simarilaties with the Bible.

northside777 said...

Also I am sure He would support a party that has stuck itself so far up the ACLU's ass that they don't even remember the old liberal agenda that they are supposed to be fighting for.

Of course classic liberalism died sometime in the 1970s, strangled to death by its own weight. That is way all the "new" liberals are socialist and bear no resemblance to the old Democrats like JFK and Harry Truman instead they are replaced by leaders like Charles Schmauer and John Kerry.

GL44 said...

God would be for baby's brains being sucked out of their heads right before they are born.

Laura Swisher said...

There's a lot of fanatical energy that goes to "protecting" the unborn. I just find it curious that that protectionist fervor drops off precipitously once a child is born. If this argument were pure, that life is truly sacred and should be protected at all costs, why aren't these same agitators up in arms about the state of children's welfare? Education? Quality of LIFE? And why, if LIFE is so important, are the Terry Schiavo bunch up in arms about the Supreme Court decision banning executions of Juveniles? There was a lot of talk of "God's Will" from that crowd in the Schiavo mess. I'd assume, then, if God wants children electrocuted, He/She could do it himself/herself. SHe's got the ability to do it.

Wow. This thread is hilarious. I'm sure I've changed a lot of minds with this post.

GL44 said...

That is a good point Laura. My faith doesn't support the death penalty. I also found it funny that all the people that wanted Terri Schindler to die are the same people who march outside prisons with candles and cry when a mass murder is put to death. As a great man said "The bleeding hearts had no blood for Terri."

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