Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Sorry About the Devil's Spawn Thing

This story hits way too close to home for me. It reminds me of the time I tried to get a boy expelled from school by yelling "He's got Satan's backpack! He's got Satan's backpack!" during a game of dodge ball. He played on the "skins" team. Mass hysteria broke out on the playground and lots of kids burst into tears if he even approached them, much less pegged them with the ball. In the end "Satan's backpack" turned out to be an unsightly boil. The school nurse got permission to drain it and that was that. I had to apologize to the kid for exclaiming he was a minion of Satan. I was so embarrassed.

My point is that I feel for the villagers of India for ostracizing a young, unmarried girl for "carrying the devil's child." The witch doctor diagnosed her as possessed so it's not really their fault. But when she visited a gastroenterologist, he found a tumor equal to the size of four or five fetuses (feti?). Oops.

My point is, when little mistakes like this happen, it's important to realize that they're honest mistakes, so the girl should suck it up and not be traumatized.




I want to apologize for not wishing you all a happyOrgasm Day yesterday. I wasn't even able to tell you all to mark your calendars. Mea culpa. In any case, now you know. May 9th is Orgasm Day, and we should all go ahead and put it on our calendars for next year.

Who celebrates this joyous day? Citizens of the town of Espertantina in Brazil. They are blessed with a mayor who understands the importance of orgasms. He recognizes that they're healthy. It's too bad we don't have more enlightened politicians over here.

Side note: Ladies, if you happen to be fans of the big O, you might want to consider a trip to Mangaia in the South Pacific. Oh, and if you have plans to visit Inis Beag, a small island off the coast of Ireland, I strongly urge you to reconsider. But don't take my word for it. Check out this link.

Did you check it out? See what I mean?

Um, all right. Gonna start my day now.

8 comments:

Matt Hartley said...

Wow, and I was under the mistaken impression that the big O represented Overstock.com. Guess I learned something new today. :o)

Behm-Azis said...

I had to read it a few times to understand just what "Satans backpack" was, how funny. I love your entries Laura, Swish, The Swish..do you have a preferance? I'm on the edge of my chair waitin for more...

Behm-Azis said...

Lol..awesome post, waitin for more.

Rikugun said...

You are so funny laura. I love your blog. http://rikugun.blogspot.com

Rikugun said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Laura Swisher said...

I prefer Laura, Swish, The Swish, Swishafication, Swisheroo, Swisherman's Wharf, Swisher Doodle Doo, Swiiiiiiiiiiish, Swi, L-swi, Sweet Cheeks, Hey Baby, Mmmmmmmmm...Looking Gooooooood, [kissing sounds from a passing truck] and a confused "Hey...YOU" when someone can't remember my name.

Behm-Azis said...

Lol, now when I first seen you on Unscrewed I was know for sayin dayuuuuum check her out. Was upset to hear that it was canceled, so now I look forward to seeing you in the Wendy's commercial. I'm glad I stumbled on your blog. I'm now a happy man, smilez.

Butternut said...

I missed "O"-day again! Drat! Now I have to wait another 365 days!

So, dodgeball makes you pregnant? I hated dodgeball. Now I know why. *shudder*