Monday, June 13, 2005

Mayhem Is Expensive

But first, I listened to a half hour of Weezy and The Swish today and I didn't cringe all that much, which surprised me. For the first one, I liked it. The second half hour may have tanked. I'm not sure. The one thing I'd change is the sound level on my mic. Weezy's voice is a lot louder than mine. I shouldn't be surprised, however, because we recorded the show in her studio. She probably told the engineer to muffle my voice. And of course I noticed certain things I do that bother me, which is good. I'll be able to correct for them.

So that's all I have to say on that. Here's something else...

I was perusing California's penal code to figure out what crimes I can afford to commit bail-wise.

It turns out I can MANUFACTURE, IMPORT, SELL, OR POSSESS DISGUISED FIREARMS OR OTHER DEADLY WEAPONS, CONCEAL A CHILD THAT I HAVE A RIGHT TO CUSTODY OR VISITATION WITH, BURGLE (SECOND DEGREE ONLY) and UNLAWFULLY CAUSE A FIRE - STRUCTURE OR FOREST LAND, for the same amount of bail as I would if I only PARTICIPATED IN A STREET GANG or ABDUCTED A PERSON UNDER 18 FOR PURPOSES OF PROSTITUTION. The latter two crimes cost $20,000 each in bail, while the others are only $5000 each.

This is an important lesson for gang bangers. They should know that they're much better off abducting someone to turn him/her into a prostitute than hanging with the homies. You'll be pleased to know that this is a lesson I plan to bring to communities affected by gang violence.

Say No to Gangs...
but Yes to Arson

Bail for the crime of bigamy is only $3000; therefore, it's probably the only crime I can afford to commit at this point in time. I hope to get to a point in my career that I can afford to commit ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON OR MACHINE GUN ON A PEACE OFFICER OR FIREFIGHTER ($100,000) without having to get help from my parents. I want to do these things on my own.

Here's something disturbing: there's an actual penal code for throwing, or causing to be thrown, a mixture of human excrement or other bodily fluids or substances upon a state prison officer or employee. Ewww. There's no bail for that, but the criminal would have to be behind bars so it makes sense. Still, to have its own penal code means that this offense happened a lot. I guess when a prison guard comes home and says, "Honey, I've had a really bad day," he might be telling the truth. And chances are his bad day will trump any bad day you've had (cause it's a competition).

So this is where my mind wanders when I don't have anything specific to talk about.

12 comments:

Soka said...

HEHE! No to gangs, yes to Arson ! oh and Yes to ben and jerry's, which I think that it also has a penal code in Beverly Hills.

great show by the way, miss swish. Keep 'Em Comin.

Antonio Gramsci said...

Some TechTV gal named Morgan says "Hi." She claims to know you.

I do get around.

Butternut said...

She said "penal"... I guess the Gay Pride post has put my brain in the gutter.

How do you CONCEAL A CHILD in a way that is criminal? Is that like sneaking them into Disneyland?

Sodomy is legal in CA, right?

Keela said...

The 'Weezy' half of 'Weezy and The Swish' is really annoying. It would be great just to have Matt and Laura.

Antonio Gramsci said...

" If you're a Blogger user, we encourage you to enable access to your Profile."

Jim-Bob said...

Ah, loved the podcast, Swish. I listened to it at, like, 2 am last night, and laughed my butt off! I'm listening to it for the second time right now...you're talking about the leg and spine falling from the sky snd the peanuts and stuff. Haha, good stuff. Good luck with the big-ay audition-ay, and keep the podcasts coming!

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since my keyword "customer care jobs" did not fit as intended.
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roclin said...

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since my keyword "customer care jobs" did not fit as intended.
Glad I found you! Keep on keepin on!