Saturday, July 23, 2005

Armpit Fans

Here I sit, at my desk, trying to clear my mind for some kind of inspiration to hit, some subject worthy of its own blog entry. I pop bing cherries into my mouth and spit out the pits in a little handkerchief next to my keyboard. What to discuss? Children getting raped at Abu Ghraib? Nah. That's too easy. The jokes just write themselves. How 'bout the fact that the second or third most powerful man in our country outed a CIA agent out of political spite and still has the support of folks who tout National Security as something they're serious about? Nah.

What really has me wound up more than anything right now is sweat. I still haven't turned on the air conditioning in my apartment and my body's pissed off. My body's all, "Hey, if you don't want to cool off, I'll make your shirts stink." And then it does. I try and fight it. I hop into the shower to cool off and then, moments later, the heat creeps back.

And now I wish someone would invent armpit fans. I don't know how they would work. I'm not a techy. But they'd clip onto your clothing and provide a steady blast of cool air directly to the parts of your body that require the most cooling off. For the gentlemen, zipper fans would be good as well for the, uh, type of sweat only you guys have.

There's got to be a huge market for this. Superconductor shirts? Someone get on this.

I know there's a lot going on in the world, but until I feel fresh, I can't worry about it.


Sean said...

Nike made something like that last year for the Oregon Ducks football team and got in trouble since they didn't make them for the opposing team who were also sponsered by Nike. said...

With all of the surgery's they have these days, you can probably get your arm pits removed.

Butternut said...

Er, so why aren't you turning on the A/C? You like the stank?

Should be cooling off a smidge over the next couple days. Oh, strawberries look like they are in season too. Yummy and you can actually get a basket without any fuzzy fungus on the bottom ones.

These guys have lots of ideas to stay cool. Like this one, "There is no better personal air conditioning at any price than: ... a diaper tied from forehead to nape of neck".

Or my personal favorite, "Evaporative heating in its simplest form - wet your t-shirt, wring it out, wear it." Well, it's not really my favorite since I turn ON the A/C. However it's my favorite for Laura. :)

bradley5 said...

I'm thinking maybe you should call some of your old tech tv friends(sure you had some :P) and get them to build you up some sort of liquid cooling system that's powered by dry ice or something, and men don't need fans on are flys we like it hot cause it gives us an excuss to "adjust" ourselves.
As far as solving your problem in the mean time I'm thinking somesort of invention involving 3 to possibly 5 tolet paper rolls with and this is important at least and hopefully more hamsters or mice depending on what's cheaper. Now what you do is cut one tolet paper roll up like a fan and really the rest explains itself.
I have also found that my cat or as she likes to be called "kitty" makes an excellent sweat absorber a couple daps of her under the arms and your good to go and you don't have to worry about washing the cat, she'll do nothing but clean herself for the next 2 weeks trying to get the stink off.
Anyways... I'm tired and as well are my hopeless joke :'( hope you feel... cooler :)

GL44 said...

Maybe you could inject botox into your armpits to kill the sweat glands.

jon said...

Looking for heating and air conditioning info I found your post. I agree!

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