Sunday, July 24, 2005

What Would Cooter Do?

He wouldn't see the Dukes of Hazzard movie, that's for sure. He said the movie was a, "profanity-laced script with blatant sexual situations that mocks the good clean family values of our series." Indeed.

When I watched Dukes of Hazzard as a child, I watched it for the subtle sexual situations. I appreciated the subtle way Daisy's shorts rode up her butt and subtle way Bo and Luke Duke stuffed their beefy thighs into tight jeans. And the prominence of the Confederate flag was just a subtle reminder that these were good ole boys, never meaning no harm.

Actually, like most Americans I sat in front of the tube each week watching Dukes of Hazzard. I liked it. What I find offensive is that Hollywood dares to remake it at all. Really? There are so few ideas that we have to make Dukes of Hazzard? Cooter thinks people should avoid the film unless the studio "cleans it up". I say people should avoid the film because if it does even marginally well, this will pave the way for more crappy remakes.

Here are just a few titles ripe for remaking:

Different Strokes - Willis and Arnold, now grown up, adopt children of their own from South Korea and El Salvador respectively. Snippet of dialogue, "What'choo talkin 'bout, Hwangbo?" I see numerous spit takes when passersby try and deal with a black/korean/mexican (they won't know the difference/white family.

Three's Company - The Regal Begal is threatened by developers to be taken over through eminent domain and Jack and the Girls have to stop it.

Laverne & Shirley - Lenny and Squiggy are mistaken for terrorists when they visit the Heineken factory in Holland and Laverne & Shirley are dispatched to the country as undercover agents for their bottling company. I don't understand why the government would send them instead of trained operatives, but we needn't be bogged down by logic.

Mr. Belvedere - Mr. Belvedere goes to England on vacation and the house falls apart.

By the way, one of the above links is not about a television show. I think I will pitch a new sitcom to the networks based on the non-television related link. Sure, the subject matter may not, on the surface, seem "funny", but I think its rife with promise.

I've got to go soak in a tub of ice now.

50 comments:

bjsvec said...

I know you meant those movie pitches as a joke, but I forwarded them to my uncle who is an exec at some studio and he really liked the Different Strokes idea. How should I tell him to contact you?

DogsDontPurr said...

I can really see the "Laverne & Shirley" remake....it actually might be funny. Especially if they used the original cast members.

Or what about "Happy Days"?! Of course, it would have to be with the original cast too.

Butternut said...

I think of all those the Three's Company one is a real possibility. Let's see, get Ashton Kutcher, Drew Barrymore, and Neve Campbell.

Other ideas:

M*A*S*H - The original TV location in the Santa Monica mountains is still available, and cheap. Throw in a little new found North Korea hatin' and you've got a show. Jim Carey as Hawkeye, Seann William Scott as B.J., and John Travolta as Kim Jong-Il.

Six Million Dollar Man - Oh wait, that's being remade already, with Jim Carey. OK he might not be available then for MASH. Let's get Jeremy Piven then.
http://www.countingdown.com/movies/3239184

Get Smart - Oh wait, that was remade. "The Nude Bomb" *shudder*

Mork and Mindy - Sure you can't replace Robin Williams but that won't stop Hollywood from trying! Jim Carey is the natural replacement, but he's busy, again. Gilbert Gottfried? John Leguizamo? Jimmy Fallon? Oh dear.

A/C still going strong. Ahhh, the smell of fresh pits.

Laura Swisher said...

Have your uncle email me with contact information on his people. I'll email my people. My people will then contact his people. I give you 5% of the deal.

Aaron said...

Jessica Simpson says --"I think somethin' bounced up into my undercarriage?"

anyone want to try and guess what it is?

My guess is whatever was left of her brain

Jim-Bob said...

I can see it now: The Golden Girls: XXX. All of the origional Golden Girls taken it off and gettin naughtay! As much as you don't want to believe it, there is a market out there for this.

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