Monday, July 18, 2005

Sperm in Space

I understand the Right to Life's feelings on abortion, but I think they're taking things a little too far with this latest stunt: pig sperm in space. For the sake of argument, just say that life begins at conception, not lift-off. This is just another case of throwing sperm against a barn door to see what sticks. Next thing you know a new race of aliens will pop up. A tasty new race of aliens.

How are we as a nation supposed to fight terror when we can barely control 11 year old girls? Let's review. You spot a "violent" 11 year old girl doing something dangerous like, uh , throwing a rock at boys pelting her with water balloons.

Do you...
a) Yell, "Hey, little girl. I'm going to tell your mother you're throwing rocks"
b) Hope she hits one of the boys because they're clearly harassing her OR
c) Call in three squad cars and a helicopter to capture her and then treat the case as a felony assault.

If you answered "C" you're correct.

I feel so much safer knowing there is one less 11 year-old girl on the mean streets of Southern California.

Speaking of feeling safer, I'm sure the residents of Tampa can rest easy now that their janitors are being trained to fight terrorism. If we could just get dishwashers and golf caddies in on the training there'd be NO WAY terrorists could harm us. You know, cause they're always leaving Post-its lying around, To Do: Pick up laundry, Get backpack for suicide mission.

That's all for me right now.

Happy Monday.

14 comments:

John Besse said...

The link about the 11-year-old girl links to the pig sperm in space, also.

Here is a link to the story regarding the rock-throwing.

http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,91717,00.html

Laura Swisher said...

Thanks, Gussy. Just made the correction.

tokyocrunch said...

Swish, things aren't the same as when we were eleven.

Have you even SEEN the rocks lying around these days? Unbelievably dangerous. Phantasm spheres, practically. And statistics show that these rocks are often a gateway to the hard stuff, like clods and boulders.

Think about *that* the next time you're eliciting the salivation of the earth-slingers over at the quarry.

Stay in School.

santana said...

Yeah I heard about the pig sperm in space, I still dont see what the point of it is. Maybe theyll release some and itll float to another galaxy where aliens will "use" it. That would be funny. I just got an idea for my National Lampoons'esque movie script.

Butternut said...

First China sends sperm into space. Next the Russians and the Americans will follow. They will claim there is a "Sperm Gap" and then a war of escalating space sperm will be on. It won't end until we are all faced with mutally assured pregnancy. Next thing you know terrorists will be smuggling sperm onto planes. Which reminds me of another story...

"The confrontation happened in a poor district of Fresno, in central California". That's rock country, what do you expect! Problem is she nailed the other kid in the head good and sent him to the hospital. Police are kinda required to do something at that point. I'm just surprised it hasn't been resolved over a month later. Hey, somebody get that girl a softball scholarship or something!

At work we are supposed to write "Basura" on things we want to throw out because management doesn't think the janitors can learn the word "Trash". Hmmm... how's that Bomb Identification 101 going?

northside777 said...

That was a great post Butternut.

Butternut said...

Word.

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