Sunday, July 17, 2005

Get Out of My Country

That's what I told my so-called friend and Co-host Louise Palanker after she maligned me publicly, calling my character into question. I've been shaking with rage all day and it is only now that I can respond.

First of all, Weezy claims I downed a Coke in "minutes." Weezy, try an hour. I drank the Coke in the course of an hour. Then she points out that we had to interrupt the podcast because I "had to go to the bathroom." That's true; however, I fail to see what bearing the size of my bladder has on the quality (or lack thereof) of our show. I have a small bladder. That means I'll go to the bathroom more often than others will. But most people don't hold it against me. Weezy seems to think it matters and that saddens me.

To be fair, Weezy did have to print a few pages out for me because I'd run out of ink. Weezy, I will pay you whatever the cost of the ink I may have used. I will also bring you ten blank sheets of paper to replenish the ones I used. It won't happen again.

She implies it took a great deal of energy to act "civil" towards me while we recorded TWO podcasts. I should point out that it takes a lot of energy on my part to carry the show as I do. But I do it anyway because I want the show to be a success. Do I mention to her how hard it is for me to carry the show? No. I don't. I say, "How are you?" "Weezy, how is your week going?" See? I try to be pleasant.

And for all this, all I get is vitriol. So today I called her up and told her to get out of my country. I said she shouldn't come back until she thought long and hard about her recent post. Also, she should bring me a gift from where ever she goes by way of apology. If I like the gift, I will accept the apology.

I'll keep everyone up to date as the feud developes.

9 comments:

Butternut said...

Me-ow!

Two shows in one sitting? Who does she think you are? Ali Bladder of the Sahara like a Coke camel packing it away for weeks at a time? She's lucky you didn't just explode in the middle of the show. Which comes back to my female Depends arguement again... I see a theme developing.

Buddy of mine can't make it through a movie without taking a MP break. (MP = must pee).

Do they sell Vitriol over the counter now?

ChozSun said...

Yea to Swish's smallish bladder. Her bladder is like Rudy but without the college or football.

Antonio Gramsci said...

Weezy is SO spot on.

I find it impossible to believe that someone like Laura Swisher, who can slog back a cosmopolitan in seconds, took an hour to drink a coke. You chugged, it, Laura, just come clean.

However, I'm not sure about your bladder size. You behaved well at Karma Coffee House, I don't think you got up to pee until a crummy set by that (basic cable channel) guy.

Okay, so I'm torn. I think that Laura's career is suffering because of her coke-chugging, but I'm not so sure about the fairness of the small-bladder critique. I need to think about this. I'll get back to you.

OsakaJack said...

Is this where I log in to claim the prize from the inside of the soda cap?

An' I gotta go pee.

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