Wow. Interesting how a post that was clearly about me, got twisted into something about you.
Yesterday I was clearly discussing how I was going to snare myself a wealthy partner. That resulted in a bunch of comments wondering how men could get themselves a sugar momma. I should igore you all. Really. I should. However, I'm thinking about teaching a course at the Learning Annex on how to snare a sugar momma so I might as well work on a lesson plan right now.
This is difficult for me because, as you can probably imagine, I have no difficulty getting men to do exactly what I want. Sometimes I have to INSIST on paying men for their services. Last time my toilet got clogged up a plumber came over and, struck by my angelic beauty, practically refused to charge me the $330 to cover the work. I said, "Mr. Plumber, I absolutely insist. You have to make a living." And I paid him.
In any case, I do have a handle on what women want and I'm going to share that information with you now. Get ready to press print because you'll want to post the knowledge I'm about to lay on you.
First things first: By definition, your sugar momma will be older than you, so if you have a problem with wrinkles, this job might not be for you.
You need to be able to
--Listen to what a woman says as if you are hanging on her every word
--Be able to interject comments that support what she is saying
--Bounce a quarter off your abs
--Give a 45 minute massage
--Say, "You are so beautiful" without cringing or looking away
--Refrain from farting at dinner parties
--Keep your eyes off other women in public
--Fix things around the house
--Look good in a tux
--Look good in handcuffs
--Be able to answer the question, "What do you think of this outfit?" and support your answer with valid points
--Read Vogue, Cosmopolitan, People, Star and US Weekly
I know you think having a sugar momma is supposed to be easy, but you will need to make sacrifices. You may need to work out, quit smoking, cut your hair and get some nice clothes. This might involve giving up your Xbox or Game Cube, or watching sports.
That's all for today. My next lesson will be where you can search for your sugar momma.