Thursday, June 30, 2005

Gonna Snare a Millionaire

Hey Guys,

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was taking a class at the AMAZING Learning Annex here in Los Angeles. The Learning Annex is a wonderful institution that offers regular people--people like you n' me--valuable insight into a wide range of topics that will ultimately allow ourselves to improve our lives.

Yesterday I took the first step to a better life by attending Lisa Johnson's seminar "How to Snare a Millionaire". She promised I'd learn to:

--Go where the rich go--and locate the "hot spots" that rich men frequent
--Find out if your potential mate is rich, without him/her knowing about it
--Package and project yourself
--Get he/she "hooked" on you
--Get your mate financially committed to you before marriage
--How to find him, catch him, and keep him.

As a bonus, Lisa will personally deliver my personal profile to eligible millionaires who are eager to meet the right companion. All I need to do is bring stationary, photos and writing utensils and let Lisa show me how to write a provocative personal profile.

Oh, and for any of you who DOUBT Lisa's credentials, she knows what she's talking about. She is a well-known media personality and the AUTHOR of "How to Snare a Millionaire." She's interviewed George Clooney, Sylvester Stallone, Richard Gere, among other celebrities. She is a frequent guest on national talk shows and writes a weekly Hollywood gossip column.

But Laura, you're probably asking, do you really think that one class is enough to land a millionaire?

Not necessarily. That's why I'm also going to take Jean Sanders Torrey's class "How to Get Any Man to Marry You--Guaranteed!"

This is probably a better class. Whereas Lisa's class shows you how to marry a millionaire, this class shows you how to get ANY man to marry you. So I could get a millionaire or a BILLIONAIRE, or someone really famous. I don't want y'all to think I only care about money. I don't. I care about prestige as well. And that's why, after taking this second class, I plan on getting the Dali Lama to marry me. He's super famous but is also well-grounded spiritually. Plus he travels quite a bit and I think I would enjoy that.

What are Jean Saunder's qualifications? Well, Jean is a writer, model AND fashion consultant. She's a former fashion editor of Movieline magazine, social columnist for Beverly Hills Today and personal shopper for Saks Fifth Avenue. PLUS she is now the sharp, sophisticated author of "Why Men Marry and Why Men Don't."

Between these two ladies, I should be in very good hands.

I will keep everyone posted as to my progress. This time next year I'll probably be relaxing at my mountain home in Tibet. You're all invited (provided Lami isn't too busy)!

158 comments:

VagabondLoafer said...

You will want to marry a very wealthy person. If you marry a mere millionaire likely they'll be working 80+ hours a week and you'll spend most of your life apart from each other. Miserable unless you have an interesting hobby.

And in case you’re interested. I'm a thousand-aire many times over. Impressed yet? I also figured out how to get you financially committed to me. Um, Laura, can I borrow $20 till payday, or until I get a better job. Now that’s irresistible!

Vert said...

Well, I look forward to learning the art of snagging a rich chick. I want a Suga-momma. Working is for the birds. I have to get up early, before 12:00 PM. Can you believe sometimes they actually expect me to think? The nerve of them. I'm not getting graded on this. I come to work to get my paycheck and surf the Internet. Waitaminute, I'm a volunteer. What do they expect for free anyway?

Yeah, I asked John Kerry once how to snag a rich chick and he got all defensive. Or maybe it was because I was checking his daughter out? I don't know. He was holding out on me, but thanks to this book I will be rich....

Antonio Gramsci said...

These days, he goes by DLam, but to me he's still just Dali from the Block. He's the chosen one with the bling bling!

santana said...

Hmmm it would be pretty sweet to get a rich chick. I wouldnt have to work, all I would do is sit by the pool drinking beer and eating pizza. Now thats the life, I wonder if Ivana Trump is doing anything this weekend, maybe Ill call her up and we can get together.

Butternut said...

Hey, don't the ladies that marry the rich guy end up with the pool boy? I need to invest in a beat up pickup truck, a pair of cutoffs, and a pool net. I think it would help if I change my name too. Maybe something like "Armando" or "Julio" or "Thunder".

Amadeo said...

Is there a class for young men on how to find a sugar-mommy?

afslip said...

I'm rich, I need a sugar-momma are you insterested Laura?

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Sean Cruz
Fixed Rate Mortgages

erwin said...

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