Thursday, September 15, 2005
Mind if I Pee?
Like Bush, I sometimes need validation whether or not it's okay for me to relieve myself. The other day, while Bush was sitting in a long and, I'm sure, boring U.N. meeting with his gal pal Condi, I was sitting in a movie house watching The Constant Gardner. There was a scene featuring Rafe [sic] in the desert, and I couldn't tell if it was an important scene that couldn't be missed, or something unimportant. I quickly wrote a note to the guy I was with on a box of Whoppers, "Should I go to the bathroom, or wet myself?"
My point is that the media is making a big deal about this bathroom note and I just want to say I know how it feels. Sometimes these decisions are tough...especially when the world is watching.
No one was watching me, I'm pretty sure, but if I was president you know someone would have suddenly needed to go to the bathroom when I went to the bathroom, and she probably would have peeked through the gap of the stall door, as if to make sure no one was in there. But I would have known that all other stalls were open, and that this whore just wanted to get a glimpse of the president of the United States peeing. And knowing how people are these days, she probably would have tried to snap a picture of it from a camera phone so she could sell it to the Enquirer. Whatever.
My secret service agents would totally have taken her out, stolen the phone and erased all the evidence. Still, I'm just trying to show how complicated presidential pees can be.