Sunday, October 23, 2005

Turn My Nipple to Ten and Boogie

I know what I want for Christmas when it's available: the breast MP3. At some point in the future, MP3 players can be inserted under our skin. Futurologist Ian Pearson--who I'm thinking might make a good podcast guest--imagines a bra with a USB port and battery that live in a bra's underwire.

I already foresee problems. Ian, have you thought about the embarrassment of air travel? Like, if I'm sporting the Tit Tunes 3000 and have to go through a metal detector, will security really believe me that it's just music? Might I have to prove it? And if my player skips or does something funky, will not the sight of me boxing my breast in an attempt to "fix" the player make me look a tad freakish?

These are just some thoughts for you futurologists to ponder.

I'm going to stop thinking and head to the Farmer's Market.

33 comments:

Clinton Freeman said...

Breasts and technology; a male geek's wet dream.
Laura, stop being a slide-rule tease.

Butternut said...

Much like the iLoo, I expect, no demand this sort of technology in my future. I want a phone implanted into my brain, video games controlled by my mind, and full virtual reality stuff ala Brainstorm! Where is Al Gore when this country needs him!?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085271/

OK, now for the obvious jokes.

iBra... with silicone implant chips.
How about with speakers built in so you can play you own theme song when the mood strikes you. Comes with "I've got the power", "Respect", and "Put 'em on the glass".

Men's jock version plays "Highway to the danger zone", "Hot for teacher", and "O.P.P.". Optional version with "What is love?", "Y.M.C.A." and "Bizarre Love Triangle".

Note, 40 gig version only available in sizes D and larger. :) (had to).

Aaron said...

Bra with a usb port? What's next, password protected panties?

Orion said...

How about new pick up lines?

Say baby, can I jack in?

Is that an iPod in your bra, or are you just happy to see me?

Care to interface our players?

I just need to check your battery.

Your bra swings! Do you?

Don't mind me, I'm just looking for the volume control.

Or for the ladies,

That's right, these go all the way up to 11.

I'm sorry, my bra drowns out mindless noise with built in music, so I couldn't hear a word you said.

Oh no! My bra crashed! Can you help me reboot it?

Orion

Healer2K said...

How about this little ditty [*snicker*] playing? http://www.rustywarren.com/mp3/bounce-boobies.mp3

Or how about *adjusting* levels throughout Donna Summer's "Love To Love You Baby"?
http://members.fortunecity.com/tapes2/donnasummer(0).ram

okay... That gave me a hot flash. Gotta go. :/

Tim said...

The question is, where would MEN wear them? I think we all know the answer.

Mylar coated banana hamocks for triple antenae strength cost extra.

I'm just going to walk away from all the comic material that's sitting right here in my lap.

Doh!

Aaron said...

in the future there will be no mp3's. Files will be atom sized and by merely drinking a lemon flavored solution, your body will absorb every song known to man, playable at anytime with your mind.

The RIAA will then have exclusive rights to the bloodstreams of the majority of the world's population, and charge people a monthly fee to continue living.

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I prefer the larger controls found on the older models as oppossed to the newer more minaturized controls. Allows for better more precise tweaking.

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Alex Soojung-Kim Pang said...

I've interviewed Pearson, and he's great. I asked perhaps five questions in a two-hour conversation: you just get him started and momentum takes over.

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