Sunday, December 11, 2005

Anger Management for Terrorists

I'll admit, I was a little skeptical about achieving "victory" in Iraq, but after coming across this story in an Australian paper, I believe we might just be turning the corner. Australia is looking into anger management courses for would-be terrorists, those people deemed to be a threat to public safety. From the article:

It will be educative and address things like literacy, anger management and provide counselling to give them life skills that will help them overcome these tendencies," she said.


I saw SYRIANA and know that young men often ride around in small fishing boats laden with explosives because they don't have access to jetskis or yachts. This is a fact. Because they can't participate in water sports at the same level as their Western counterparts, they prefer to blow up oil tankers.

But what if they were taught how to water ski or boogie board? Don't you think they'd have so much fun they'd forget they were angry? I do too.

Of course, there are other reasons terrorists become terrorists. I saw "The Seige" starring Denzel Washington and Annette Benning (sp?) and know that Middle Eastern men enjoy forming terrorist "cells" whose soul purpose is to carry out devastating attacks within a host country. We have homegrown cells as well. They're called "Fraternities". Perhaps if these angry Middle Eastern men learned the joys of keg parties and hazing, they'd stop trying to blow us up. We need a buddy system. If we catch a would-be terrorist, we could put him up in a Fraternity. To start, we'd probably want to avoid ZBT or Sammy (Jewish fraternities). I don't think I need to explain why. In any case, the would-be terrorist would become an honorary member of a frat, and everytime he got the urge to do harm to an infidel, he could participate in a hazing ritual on a frosh.

I haven't put a lot of time into this, but I do believe I'm on the right track.

11 comments:

ZenPupDog said...

You're alive!

I went to Japan in 2003 and you disappeared.

I bet we have the same birthday!

See you at Trader Joe's - Zen!

Clinton Freeman said...

Thank for posting.
Now I don't have to put my clothes on backwards, go outside, and sing German opera. I'm sure my neighbors thank you too.

If the members of ZBT are anything like the morons who started the chapter at Brandeis then they and the terrorists deserve one another.

I'm so grateful that I won't even mention that all terrorists aren't Easteren or anti-Jewish.

Tim said...

Ok ok I'll admit it! The world is going to hell!

I DONT FEEL ANY BETTER!!!!

Healer2K said...

Laura! You ARE on the right track indeed! While you hammer out the details, could you come up with some similar ideas to address other American terrorist groups, like: the KKK, Church of the Creator, White Aryan Resistance, White Power Liberation Front, Council of Conservative Citizens, etc.?

Although I would caution against any remedies that require a bunch of men gathering together to consume mass quantities of beer and alcohol... I believe the groups I mentioned find much inspiration in grain alcohol as it is. ;)

Clinton Freeman said...

A major problem with this strategy is making sure the right people get the training.
This story is from the same website.
Strike force to pursue 'thugs'

Here's a paragraph to note:

The day began with a demonstration at Cronulla where more than 5000 people gathered, chanting racist slogans and chasing and bashing individuals of Middle Eastern or Mediterranean appearance.

Orion said...

You can find plenty of hate wherever you choose to look for it. Perhaps you should post a link to the friendly 'hazing' Middle-Eastern men do to Australian women on the beaches where they threaten them with rape for appearing unclothed (i.e. in a swimsuit). Or of course, those wacky Iranians, hanging 16 year old girls for being 'mouthy' (when they're not stoning them to death).

There's always the hilarious hijinks of those 'youths' of some mysterious ethnicity and faith going about in France, Germany, and Belgium, burning several thousand cars a night. But then, that's calmed down to a much more normal couple of hundred cars a night. And schools...and kindergartens, and the occasional senior citizen.

Or, you could link to a heartwarming story about the Bloods and the Crips hunting down whites or hispanics so that they can 'earn' membership in this close and loving surrogate family. Poor Tookie won't be home for Christmas this year.

Not what you had in mind? Perhaps a link to those zany folks in MECHA? You know, with their all-inclusive slogan of "For those within the race, everything, for those outside the race, nothing." I'm looking forward to watching them ethnically cleanse Aztlan as they seem to very badly want to do.

Or, perhaps a lovely link to a Jewish terrorist group blowing up Palestinians. No? Maybe the one on those charming young Shining Path Maoist 'freedom fighters' friendly kidnappings and tortures of whomever disagrees with them - they're pretty equal opportunity.

Maybe that comic Christmas story from China where they shot up a small number of 'demonstrators'...Fun for the whole family!

Perhaps one on the wounded soldier who's sole Christmas Card came from some tolerant and loving person's child and told him that he should die. Now there's a story that's just FULL of holiday spirit.

Hate is everywhere and isn't confined to one race, religion, political party, culture, or any other grouping. It's not rational and it's not caused by the US in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, or Germany, the Jews in Palestine, the Palestinians in Israel, the Protestants in Ireland, the British in Ireland, the Arabs being oppressed, women running about naked and mouthy, George Bush, Karl Rove, Bill Clinton getting a little head from an intern in the Oval Office, Black folks with White Women, White Folks keeping Black Folks Down, Illegal Immigrants stealing 'our' jobs, or the INS. It's a function of the human condition.

Orion

Laura Swisher said...

Orion,
I think you need to do a little research before you make outlandish posts here. ALL terrorists are Middle Eastern, and ALL Middle Eastern people (granted, a few Chechnyans as well) are potential terrorists. It's a fact.

Chueyjoo said...

WOW Laura I cant believe you said that.

Thats ma mulatta queenie!

Tim said...

I never came to this blog looking for hate of any denomination nor a course in it's particulars; if anything perhaps a break from it. What I've learned is this: hate is only slightly less fascinating then fear - but they both pale in comparrison to adultery.

I recommend masturbation. Mostly because I'm not a terrorist and I feel totally gyped to find them lurking everywhere I turn including this blog. Maybe I'm just looking at this wrong.

Vert said...

No, No, No. The return of Clearly Canadian is the answer to terrorism. Who can resist Cherry carbonated water with a zing? With a zing? Nobody.

isthisnamefree said...

Arabs are just playing catch up to the game of genocide, rape, murder, theft, destruction of culture and history, religious brainwashing Europeans (Christians) did around the world. Europeans got away with it in the Americas, Africa, and Austrailia and the Arabs figure why not give it a try. LOL... I don't take the people who call terrorism barbaric serious because you have one side (europeans) who have benefiting from terrorism tactics in the past criticizing someone else. It's like the devil calling you out for sinning. The only reason you don't see Europeans doing what going on in the Middle East is because the Europeans pretty much control the entire planet. Europeans also have a better PR Machine. Arabs detonate a bomb killing tens of people its barbaric, the US drops a "precision guided bomb" on a building killing tens of people, who cares, they are all terrorists anyway - even the babies with their terroristic thoughts or collateral damage. If Europeans didn't have the control they would make what's going on in the Middle East look like child's play.

The main reason why I don't give a damn about terrorism, Iraq and all that other bull is the guy who is so damn evil, repressed his people and all the bull was given the "wink wink nod nod" by the very coutries who now call him evil.

Just live your life, because its all bullshit anyway.