Monday, February 12, 2007

You Have My Permission to Snog Ralph Fiennes

I would like to let any flight attendants I may have in the future know one thing: You have my permission to engage in an amorous activity mid-flight if the recipient of your affection is deemed both 1) famous and 2) stunning. Should it come to light that you boinked Steven Segal, I would likely write a letter to the FAA demanding accountability, because that's just gross. Ralph Fiennes? Pass. Keanu Reeves? Pass. Will Smith? He's married, whore. Shame on you! I just feel that certain temptations are too great for ordinary people to resist, and this falls under that category. Add to that the fact that he had a charming British accent and, well, she had no choice.


duboisist said...

How could HE resist?
She served in the New South Wales police force for 14 years before joining Qantas in September, 2004" and "is a qualified scuba diver."
Thought about the potential of S&M AND fellatio had to be overwhelming to poor man. I'm surprised he could wait until they reached the bathroom.

Pierce said...

Why exactly were the crew members paying so much attention to Fiennes' movement in and out of the restrooms?

Q said...

What about Mick Jagger? I know I would, I don't think it is humanly possible to turn down sex with him.

proteon said...

Only a friggen Death Eater would snog with Voldemort.

Butternut said...

I see no problem here, other than I'm not getting any mid-flight activities with the staff. Besides, shouldn't that be a feature of first class? He was only is business class. Oh, maybe they are pissed he got "extra" service.

Did Hooters ever get their airline?

ballgame said...

She is a qualified scuba diver.

That sentence belongs in the Non Sequitur Hall of Fame.

Tim said...

Hey wait a minute ehere - you're 1) famous and 2) stunning.

This is like a three line sylogism:

if a) Laura gives permission to snog anyone famous and stunning

and b) Laura is famous and stunning

then c) Laura thusly gives permission to snog her.

I know what the ladies like. Oh yes I do.

Laura Swisher said...

Actually, Tim, I think I'd be more lenient toward guys and remove the "must be a celebrity" clause. If an attractive flight attendant propositions you in the air, you should be free to accept because the likelihood of that happening is so rare. The odds of me propositioning anyone for sex on a flight are really really really low (I'm shy!), so I would hope if it happens I'm not rejected.

Tim said...

I'm flying to vegas in may, I'll keep that in mind.

/thinks about entering flight attendant school