Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Ya Basta, Leo!

Here we go again. Rather than hold a conversation with me face to face, like a mature adult, Di Caprio is making hurtful statements in Spanish language media outlets to send me a message. This morning I had to read this in "Mundo 52":
Di Caprio prefiere la libertad.
Leonardo, quien tiene una relación intermitente con la modelo israelí Bar Refaeli, no tiene planes de sentar cabeza pronto.

Roughly translated, what Leo said is that he doesn't want to have children with me. Less roughly translated, the article says: DiCaprio Prefers Freedom
Leonardo, who has an on again off again relationship with Israeli model Bar Refaeli, doesn't have any plans to settle down."

I don't have any plans to settle down either, but I had the decency to relay my sentiments via text message.

The other thing that's bothering me this morning is Sharon Stone's persecution in the media.

It's heartbreaking when a judge can declare a woman an unfit mother simply because she avails herself of advanced medicine. Her 8 year old son has stinky feet. It's a huge problem. If she were poor, she'd make the kid take a bath and wear socks. If you have children, you know that forcing a kid to bathe can be difficult. But because she has money and can afford botox treatments for her son, she should lose custody. This is class warfare of the ugliest kind. Sharon Stone is being punished because she had the good sense to parlay a quick shot of her snatch 16 years ago into a full blown movie career.

Sharon, I support you!

1 comment:

tankboy2902 said...

What? You decided to go with Headcase Barbie today instead of Trainwreck Barbie? I know, you're probably trying to prevent overloading your system. Hopefully we only have to deal with one more month of Trainwreck Barbie.


I'm reading this wondering where did Headcase Barbie get that idea? Wikipedia cleared things up for me. Apparently Botox is a wonder drug, able to cure all sorts of maladies. Examples:

Blepharospasm (involuntary blinking) -- I wish I had known this existed when I was a kid. While my schoolmates were yelling
the prosaic "WAZZUP BLINKY!" across the recess yard I could have gone with the more sophisticated "YO BLEE-FAR!", turning heads and impressing the other kids with the fact that I was different and smarter.

I was beaten a lot in school.

Achalasia (failure of the sphincter to relax) -- Sadly, not the anal sphincter we all know and love but the lower esophageal one. Thus Shakespeare was wrong when he said "What's in a name? That which we call a sphincter By any other name would smell as stank." And to think we came so close to having a cure for Tight Ass Syndrome. Laura, I know it's probably frustrating that all the other celebrities grabbed all the good diseases. Where is it written that just because they have it Halle Berry deserves to sponsor diabetes or Tom Cruise helps out Short Man Disease? You should take this opportunity to start a foundation for T.A.S. If you're not interested in that I hear elephantitis is wide open. I can see you on stage at the telethon in an elegant evening gown, saying "There currently is no cure for elephantitis. But with your donation we can provide Anil here, and others like him, with parachute pants. Please help."

Excessive salivation -- All right already, Sharon, you can quit with crossing and uncrossing the legs.

and finally,

Severe primary axillary hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) -- including its various forms: Palmar: excessive sweating of the
hands, Axillary: excessive sweating of the armpits, Plantar: excessive sweating of the feet, Facial: excessive sweating of
the face, Cranial: excessive sweating of the head, and General: Overall excessive sweating. I think with that last one the professor just got tired of coming up with stuff. Surprised there's not one in there for your asshole.


Leo C apparently believes in wasting my time. Rather than commenting on his dislike of domestic life he should be busy making another movie playing a turn of the century (or modern day, that works too) tough but lovable Irish-American troublemaker that I have no intention of seeing. Unless the ship sinks in the end. In Boston harbor.