I totally have egg on my face. I thought McCain's selection of Palin was irresponsible and insulting, but I was updating my Monster.com resume and stumbled upon this CV. It's now clear she's the most qualified candidate he could have chosen.
To obtain a position in the highest office of the land that will allow me to utilize my folksy persona and good looks to help achieve a free and democratic Iraq, global economic prosperity and implementation of His will in the laws that govern this great country.
1982 - Captain Girls Basketball Team, Wasilla High School, Alaska
Led the Wasilla Warriors to the Alaska State Championships as Captain, earning the nickname "Sarah Barracuda". As captain, I passed the ball to Democrats and Republicans alike, exhibiting my trademark, common-sense guide to leadership.
1984 - Winner, "Miss Wasilla"
As a brunette, I shook up the old boys network of beauty pageants, which historically favors blondes.
1988-1991 - KTTU-TV, Anchorage Alaska, Sports Reporter
Utilized and honed my teleprompter-reading skills as an anchor on one of Alaska's biggest news broadcasts. Drew upon my vast knowledge of high school basketball to inform viewers on highlights, scores and injuries. Also have expertise in sports machine races and Iditarod.
1992 - City of Wasilla, Council Woman
Demonstrated mavericky-ness by blocking a measure that would have closed a local bar two hours earlier, which would have forced my constituents to drink elsewhere, an undue hardship on them on account of the fact that there's nothing to do in Wasilla except drink and get naked. And hunt. I forgot hunt.
1996 - 2002 - City of Wasilla, Mayor
As mayor, told a bunch of people to "suck it" and made them update their resumes and resubmit them so I could see who was loyal to me. Would also personally call up residents of the town and say, "How's the city doing?" to find out how the city was doing. It was a real hoot. Also cut a shitload of taxes and stopped a library from being built. Stopped rape victims from draining the public coffers by making them pay for their own exams.
2003 - Chairwoman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission
Appointed Chairwoman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission by Governor Frank H. Murkowski
2006 - State of Alaska, Governor
Became the youngest governor in Alaska's history. Said "no thanks" to Congress on Bridge to Nowhere. Did more shaking up of old boy network. Introduced legislation to allow aerial hunting of wolves.
EDUCATION, Bachelor of Science, Communications-Journalism, 1987
Hawaii Pacific University
North Idaho College
University of Idaho
University of Idaho...again
Make a mean moose burger, can shoot a variety of weapons, great at teleprompter, still f*ckable, not likely to die in four years, star power, can see Russia from my house, aware of the maritime border between Alaska and Russia and the land border with Canada