Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Xmas

Attended a lovely midnight mass at St. Mary's last night. One of the lady ministers (embarrassed to say I don't know her title. Several holy people in ornate garb addressed us throughout the evening) told the story of how, at twelve, she experienced her worst Christmas ever. She got nothing good and was devastated. And her dad was like, "suck it up and come out of your room and join the family". And she came downstairs and her dad gave her a stocking, and peeking out of the stocking was a kitten. So Xmas became the Best Xmas Evah. My retelling makes it seem like it was a dull story. In truth, it was, for me, the highlight of the evening. She had good timing, there was humor, people laughed at the heartfelt moments. I almost clapped when she was done. Apparently, it's not customary to clap in church, which feels strange. I supposed our clapping should stay on the inside and be reserved for Him.

I recognized exactly one hymn the entire night. Fortunately it was the last one we sang. Silent Night. A classic!

Merry Xmas all.

Now go stuff your faces. That's what I'm headed to do right now.


VagabondLoafer said...

Merry Christmas Laura!

Laura Swisher said...

Merry Xmas Vagabond!

tankboy2902 said...

I don't know their official title but I believe in Italy lady ministers are called praetorians, in Germany sturmabteilungs, in most of Catholic Europe grenadiers, and in Asia ninjas. At least that's what I remember from Catholic school when I wasn't doodling. I think America wanted to go with church lady but Dana Carvey has that sewed up, and he's a bitch on copyright enforcement.

When you mentioned Silent Night was a hymn I had to check on that (apparently it is). The church has strict rules about that stuff so that they don't get things like Beyonce or NWA slipped in on them unknowingly (can't have people having fun in church). I figure according to their rules a hymn has to be at least 100 years old before it makes the play book. As far as I know only Iced T and the Sugar Hill Gang qualify. I think they should be officially incorporated into the church's hymnal lexicon because, darn it!, there's nothing that puts me in the Christmas spirit like Rapper's Delight:

"...he can't satisfy you with his little worm but I can bust you out with my super sperm..."

If that's not a direct reference to Jesus then I'm Jewish. I hope that was a blast for you because it was a blasphemy.

Speaking of religion I'm going to have to declare jihad against the SciFi Channel, because with their Star Trek: The Next Generation marathon I'm here typing Internet bullshit and watching Worf complain about his HMO rather than doing what my wife wants, which is to change all the sockets and switches in the living room from beige to white.

Actually, my wife is more important to me than you guys, so Happy Holidays and I'll see you guys on the other side of the divide (where Barack awaits, triple yippee)! Sockets and screwdrivers away!!!

"Z" said...

Merry Christmas & a Joyous Noelle to you Swish!

Tim said...
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Tim said...
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