Saturday, January 31, 2009

Phelps Used New Asthma Medication Delivery System

At least that's the defense I would go with if I were stupid enough to use a bong in front of a bunch of college students I didn't know. Then again, athletes aren't generally known for their smarts.

Hey celebrities-who-make-money-off-their-squeaky-clean-images: It's called "behind closed doors". That's where you're supposed to do things like bong hits and get your underage drinking on. Never mind that we do it too. That's our business. Your business is to maintain the illusion that you're pure, so that we will purchase products.

Although maybe it's time we rethink this strategy. Maybe it's time for us to stop being nice, and start being real. Why do the Michael Phelps' of the world have to hawk cereal and tomato sauce? Phelps already had a stain on his record for driving under the influence. Why shouldn't he be the face of Jagermeister? He could do, "I now get trashed responsibly" ads, featuring him puking in the backseat of his designated driver's car.

Just kidding! He should pretend he made a terrible error in judgement, apologize to his fans and his product sponsors, and promise to never do it again (in front of dip shits with camera phones).

Then we could go back to thinking our heroes tossed back broccoli and skinless chicken to let loose.


Butternut said...

Oh Laura, you've got it all backwards. This will be great for his image. "I do bong hits all day long and can still win gold medals, because I drink Whammy-ade!!". Wow, if Michael can win medals with Whammy-ade loaded I bet I can at least win my swim meet at my school!

See, this is great!

Either that or we legalize it and he creates his own brand.

P.S. All these athletes are on 'roids anyway so what's a little weed between strangers? Call it "muscle relaxant" and get a prescription in CA.

VagabondLoafer said...

Those tricky college kids told me it was just um, tobacco in that hookah pipe... that I was going to be working deep undercover for the Feds busting um, big-time narcotics traffickers... traffickers who were also bad-mouthing Gandhi, MLK, Jr. and Mother Theresa... um, that's not me in that picture.