Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Wanted: Full or Part-time Prostitute, Great Benefits

I just read an article that's not at all disturbing. The wonderful country of Germany legalized prostitution two years ago. I think we can all applaud how open-minded and magnanimous the government was in recognizing the legitimacy of the sex trade. Bravo Germany!

But there's a little bit of a catch that the women may not have anticipated. Since the government no longer views prostitution as immoral, it's treated like any other job. Brothels pay taxes like any other business. That means, however, that when someone is collecting unemployment--as I am now--they have to accept any job that is available. So now, a 25 year old waitress will lose her unemployment checks because a brothel offered her a job and, by law, she can't turn it down without losing her benefits. Essentially, the government is pushing women into prostitution.

Listen, I'm not going to sit here and judge Germany. They have a great track record when it comes to human rights and I'm sure the government knows what's best for its people. Besides, it doesn't make sense for able-bodied women to live off the dole when they are clearly capable of having sex for money.

What interests me about this case is how one applies for a job as a prostitute. Because if it's a job like any other, and brothels register with the job database, then it follows you would probably need a resume...

Sabine Krieger
225 Niederrad Strasse
0218 Frankfurt

Objective: To obtain work in the field of prostitution which utilizes my people skills and athleticism.

EXPERIENCE

IHOP (International House of Prostitutes), Frankfurt 04/03 - 11/04
Worked as prostitute in one of the busiest brothels in the city. Averaged three to five clients a day and increased total revenue for IHOP by 30% during the period I was there.

The Naughty Milkmaid, Frankfurt 10/01 - 04/03
Served as hostess for the brothel; maintained extensive database of whores and clients; Wrote the monthly Naughty Milkmaid newsletter and was responsible for creating and executing a highly successful campaign to attract Saudi businessmen.

The Pleasure Pot, Berlin 01/01 - 02/03
Interned under Madame Schulstrasse and learned the tricks of the trade including, but not limited to: advanced oral technique, girl on girl, three way, role playing, light S&M, advanced moaning and massage.

Starbucks, Berlin 08/98 - 12/00
Worked as a barrista to put myself through school. Duties included, cash register, preparing coffee beverages, and excellent customer service.

EDUCATION
B.S. Computer Science, University of Berlin 08/98 - 06/02
Dean's list


SPECIAL SKILLS:
Fluent in Arabic, Spanish and French
Adobe Photoshop
Windows, Microsoft Word, Mac, Lotus Notes, Filemaker Pro
Dirty Sanchez, Salad Tossing and Rape Fantasies

References Upon Request


56 comments:

Max Sandstorm said...

So since prostitution is legal in Germany, does that mean that Pimping is also legal? And can you order them to come to your door, like a pizza? If so is there a discount if they don't arrive in under 30 mins? :P

Franicked said...

Whoa, what a trip! There actually is a Niederradstrasse in Germany. It's also a stop on the S-Bahn. You've definitely lived in Frankfurt before...

-DCMP

Misterfitz said...

Somehow, I have a feeling that the name of this site will be changed to "The Naughty Milkmaid Newsletter" very soon. :)

Jonathan said...

Now that is indeed some funny shit. A big hand for Germany everybody. I think i love you

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o

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