Thursday, May 12, 2005

My Future Self Is in Town for the Week

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep. Me, fifty years from now, is/am in town and won't leave me/her alone. She/I won't say if she's in town because of the Time Travelers Convention that took place earlier this week, or if she's just on vacation, or simply bored. All I know is that I want me to leave.

It seems like a really cool idea, to be able to find out what's in store for your future. I learned that I will have roommates well into my fifties, and still be working on bits for my stand-up act and generally trying to find my big break in show business. When I'm 53, I'll tell everyone that I'm really 37, and my headshots will have been taken when I was 30.

She/I won't say whether or not I'll have kids because she/I wants that to be a surprise to me. But if geriatric Laura is so fond of surprises, why, when we're watching TV together, does she tell me the season finale of 24? Please shut up about Jack Bauer's next move already! I now already know who is going to win on "The Apprentice" and American Idol. I'll spare you the winners in case you watch the shows.

So it's been four days and I'm ready for me to leave. I gave old me the bed and have been sleeping on the couch, and I want my bed back. Plus, Old Me doesn't look as good as I do. She's got wrinkles and gray hair. I don't need that stress right now, a visual reminder that I'm not going to be young forever. Don't need it.

The ironic thing is that I think Old Me feels the same way. She was surprised that I wasn't doing better. I guess Old Me remembers this time in her life as being really exciting. She's always asking, "What are we going to do today?" as if I have something amazing planned. I'm always like, "Uh, I was gonna pick up some artichokes from the store and, you know, probably take a nap or something. Maybe walk the dog, call someone on the phone, blog about how annoying you are. Things like that." She's always disappointed and a little crestfallen.

Oh well.

I'm off to an audition. Ho hum.


northside777 said...

I don't think that you will have to be waiting for your big break in your fifties. Probably in the next year you will hit it big. Its tough to keep someone with as much talent as you down for very long.

Behm-Azis said...

True I've seen some of your standup and I think you have great potential, awesome potential. I can't think of a comic who didn't struggle a little when they were on their way up. Your big break is comin I'm sure, have you thought about doing movies? Hell if if stars you I'd be first in line for that ticket, smilez

Butternut said...

That post really hits home. My roomie has been on a major artichoke kick lately. There's 'chokes and mayo everywhere.

So you're saying side-kicking on a third tier premium plus diamond-pack cable show isn't a break?! Glad I'm not in show business. It's like no business I know. Well you sure made an impression on me. Attractive + Funny = Rare. Ask your future self to give you some stock tips and you'll be fine.

Keep on truckin'.

Jeff said...

I checked out that Time Travelers Convention. Warhol and Dorothy were the hit of the party.

The protest out front wasn't bad either.

Matt Hartley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Matt Hartley said...

(Had to fix a typo)

I think that you are on the right track. Unlike so many others out there, you stay in touch with your fans with this open forum. As silly as this may seem, having content on the Web can do AMAZING things for your exposure - trust me on this.

So keep blogging and who knows what your future may hold. It is obvious to me that you have a great fan base and an even greater potential for success. Seriously, you don't see me frequenting any other standup comedian's Weblogs, right?

You kick azz, Laura. Don't let anyone ever tell you different!

Aaron said...

My future self came over to my house last week. He asked to borrow $500. Apparently he has a fondness for prostitutes. Go figure. COme to think of it, that may have just been my Uncle Willy pretending to be my future self. Dammit! Now I know for sure I won't get that cash back.

Manny F said...

No great success is without struggle. One day youll back and say, "damn"...... or something that you would normally say.

Skippy said...

since you already know the future, did you know if you nailed the audition before hand? If not, could you have changed a few things to nail it? BTW- tried that Wendy's salad and hated it... I like you but not the salad.

Antonio Gramsci said...

You should have brought the old bag along for dinner.

Dave said...

There are a few reasons that I don't think it will ever be possible to travel bacwards in time, the most glaringly obvious of which is the fact that we can still buy concert tickets. Think about it. If the band is really that great, they would have many fans in the future, and if time travel was possible, they would come back to catch the show, and we here would be shit outta luck.

Anonymous said...

This article is fantastic; the information you show us is very interesting and is really good written. It’s just great!! Do you want to know something more? Read it... Glass Bongs and Bong featuring Herbal Smoke, water bongs, bongs online head shop, Marijuana Alternative,glass water bongs, Hashish, Ganja, homemade bongs, Smokeshop, cannibis, legal smoking alternatives for herbal highs and aphrodisia.