Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Your Emails Answered

FROM AMY

Hey Laura,
It is okay that I call you that isn't it?


No. It's "Ms. Swisher" to you


My brother and I have been having this argument since we first saw you on Unscrewed. He thinks that you get asked out all the time and have men coming out of your ears, and I say that beautiful women, such as you and I, have a hard time with dating 'cause many men are intimidated by them. Sooo here is the question, who is right?


It's always difficult for me to tell if men are intimidated by my celebrity or by my looks. Sometimes I'll notice a man is trying to work up the courage to talk to me but can't quite do it. If I'm wearing my blood-stained t-shirt and jogging shorts, I assume it's my celebrity. But if I'm at a bar, sucking down a vodka tonic through two tiny red straws, I think it could be my beauty or my celebrity, sometimes both. It's a tough call.


Please settle this taxing debate and prove me right so I can say "ha ha ha ha ha ha, I am always riiight" thank you. Amy

P.S. I am not coming on to you, I am not gay, I am truely trying to prove to my bro that he should just believe me.


Oh my God. You are SO Gay! I can't believe you just came on to me like that. It's kind of embarrassing. You should see me right now. I'm totally blushing. I bet you don't even have a brother. Your email is so transparent. Still, I want you to know that I support you and your alternative lifestyle.

FROM PACO P...


i always liked seeing unscrewed just to see what crazy thing you would do.....is the show cancled... oh well....umm..i like donuts, krispy kreme


Yes, the show is cancelled. I, too, like Krispy Kreme doughtnuts. When I'm on the East Coast (or Tucson), I'll sometimes go to Dunkin Donuts as well.


FROM SHERRY

Hi Laura,

Thank you for sending me the script! Here are the directions to my apt:

405 S
90 W
Left on Mindanao (after the frwy ends)
Right on Lincoln
Left on Rose
Stop at house with wooden pirate sculpture in the front yard. it's just past a construction site on your left. If you get to the water, you've gone just a bit too far.

If you can't find a parking spot, call me and I will come to your car and we can ride to another parking area.

See you Tuesday!
Sherry


Ummmmm....yeah. You might not want to send such personal information via email, Sherry. You never know where it will end up. Also, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to figure out I might have passed your house BEFORE I hit the water. Before I could get that far, my car would get stuck in the sand. Also, the swarm of policeman that would surround my vehicle might be an indication. Thanks for thinking I'd be so stupid, though.

And there you have it. Three of your emails answered.

12 comments:

BlindDevil said...

Hey, saw you on the commercial, Swish. Unfortunately I totally cannot remember what product you were hawking. I must have been entranced after not having seen you on TV for so long. Well whatever it was, feminine products, soy substitutes, or soft soft toilet paper, I'll probably pass it in the store and my mind will go click-must-buy-laura-endorses. Of course if it wasn't you won't I look the foolish guy with feminine hygiene products in the checkout line. Love ya.

Sean said...

I see it's a good thing that I ask boring tech questions in my email to you. :) ...and lucky for me I didn't send any attachments of me in the bathtub with my pet. :)

samureye said...

You were great in the commercial girl!

santana said...

That commercial was freakin funny. I also get salads that are just ehh, sometimes its mmm but then I discover onions somewhere in there then it turns into uhh...I should send an email to you telling you where I live hmmmm maybe I should.

Manny F said...

Im almost tempted to post my phone number.....cuz yknow.....I get free incoming calls.

Aaron said...

When you said sometimes when your on the east coast you go to dunkin donuts, that remminded me of how when you travel, the places you go to have different stuff than you have back at home. I'm on the east...shabby little city (capital) called Albany. As fast as fast food goes we have McDonalds..Burger King..Wendy's...an Arby's here nad there...you know..the big guys. We don't have In and Out, we don't have Carl's Jr...we don't have Chik-fil-A. I'm not even sure how I know about these other places...it's not like I've been anywhere. But..still I can't help feeling left out...Having to buy food from clowns and pigtailed girls...only hoping not to get the finger in the process.

jon said...

Surfing some of the lesbian blogs today I stumbled onto your blog. I liked it! Thanks for the posts...

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Now this is funny ;)

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