Friday, June 03, 2005

Beloved Comedian Gallagher Is Innocent

As you know, I normally don't get too involved in matters of celebrity wrong-doing, but this story goes too far and I can't, in good conscience, ignore it. For those who haven't yet heard, on May 27 a police report was filed by a craven man alleging that Gallagher, an American treasure, had slapped him during a show.

Pardon me for being a bit skeptical, but I find it hard to believe that a man who brings so much joy into peoples' lives would jeopardize his good standing by slapping an audience member. Ridiculous! The police should dismiss this unmerited claim.

I'm guessing that this man came to the show to laugh, and when he couldn't comprehend the subtlety of Gallagher's humor, got mad. As joke after joke went over his head, and everyone else around him was laughing, he struck out at Gallagher and fabricated this outrageous story.

As a comic myself, I feel obligated to come to the defense of a fellow comedian. If we comedians don't look out for one another then, well, people like William Edwin May III of Anaheim will continue to persecute us. And if we let this guy get away with it, it will embolden others to make wild accusations against comedians as well.

This reminds me of a poem. I forget how it goes exactly, but it's something like:

"In Germany, the Nazis first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Protestants, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a protestant. Then they came for the Magicians, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Magician. Then they came for the hypnotists, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a hypnotist. Then they came for the Strong Men, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a strong man. Then they came for the clowns, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a clown. Then they came for the contortionists, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't a contortionist. Then they came for the emcees, but I didn't speak up because I wasn't an emcee. Then they came for me, a comic, and by that time there was no one left to speak for me."

Pretty powerful stuff. So if there's one thing I've learned from history, but WWII in particular, it's that I must speak up for Gallagher.


Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You will be awarded many watermelons in heaven.

DogsDontPurr said...

Watermelon karma.....I like that!

Idea Assassin said...

Gallagher is the worst comedian ever, only rivalled by that Laura Swisher chick...

Yogifish said...

You need a new agent...

... Because you are too smart and funny not to be on TV or in a big time movie...Somewhere.

Comedy Central watch out!!!

You're one of a kind lady .. get with it champ!!


p.s. - There are two of them was/is his brother. This might be the evil Gallager.

James L. said...

O.K., Laura, as much as I've loved chortling at the rigor-mortised squirrel on your moblog every now and gotta give the people MORE. I'll take anything at this point (except another pic of a banana tree, please).
Thanks in advance...

Aaron said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aaron said...

Did the guy claim Gallagher slapped him with his hand..or was it a stray shard of Watermelon rind?

RedLobo said...

Hi my name is Red, and I'll be your bastard for this evening.

"He acknowledged in an interview with the Las Vegas Review-Journal that he struck an audience member, but compared it with throwing a pie in someone's face."

Um I think he did slap someone.

We hecklers have rights too.
1. The right to boo a terrible comic off stage.
2. The right to not laugh or get any of the comics jokes.
3. The right to get drunk because the comic sucks so bad.

But of course comics have rights too.
1. To slap the shit out of some dumbass heckler.
2. To kick them in the groin (or face) if they start booing.
3. To come up with some witty retort to get a laugh and then cry backstage when your done.

Butternut said...

Gallagher has been a pretty angry dude since he stopped doing Showtime specials. So, I wouldn't be surprised.

I bet Laura could charge people to get slapped by her. Am I wrong?

future93 said...

Excellent! I will be sure to bookmark this blog. Feel free to visit my humor site website at humor site