Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Boston: Moral Cesspond

It looks like Senator Rick Santorum may be right. Last month Santorum made the claim that Boston's "liberalism" and "sexual freedom" were responsible for the Catholic Church's sexual abuse scandal. According to Santorum, in an environment where "alternative views of sexuality" are accepted, people (read: Priests) can sometimes take that the wrong way (read: rape children).

Admittedly, I was taken aback myself. I've been to Boston, and the entire time I was there, nothing sexual occurred. I even drank the water (if that has anything to do with it).

So imagine my surprise today, when I learn that Santorum may have been correct. Boston is, in fact, a city that glorifies and promotes alternative sexual views, that, in fact, flaunts those views.

There are two swans--two lovebirds, if you will--that live in the Public Garden. They float together, canoodle wantonly, and generally delight passersby with their public displays of affection. So well known are these swans that their nicknames are Romeo and Juliet. Sweet, isn't it? But guess what? They're lesbos. LESBIAN SWANS!

They had scientists identify their sexes because the eggs they layed never hatched. The eggs hadn't been fertilized by a male swan. This deceit has been going on for YEARS. The worst part is that it took scientists to figure out they were gay. I had my suspicions when I noticed that one of the swans wore Doc Martins and the other one drove a pick up truck. I gave the city the benefit of the doubt.

Turns out I was wrong. Rick Santorum was right. Boston is morally depraved.

12 comments:

Misterfitz said...

Depraved, yes. But the clam chowdah is a wicked pissah.

Butternut said...

Do you have any pictures of the swans kissing?

Also noted about the swans: short haircuts, perfect manicures, flannel and loose fitting jeans. Maybe they are just from Oregon :)

Next thing you know they will try to get married. I mean, animals marrying animals! Where will it all end?!

Hellbob said...

Are the swans furries? Or just people turned on by the story? I'm relatively sure Santorum is either way...then again, that would be insulting to furries.

northside777 said...

If you still haven't become familiar with the "Able Danger" story it is just about everywhere today. This could be the biggest scandal since the Tea Pot Dome scandal in the 1920s. It already has surpassed Watergate with the small facts that we know already and what looks to be a pretty piss poor job of covering up by the 9/11 commission.

Aaron said...

female swan kissin'? gol dang it! next thing you know they'll want to marry legally!

Clinton Freeman said...

I remember something about "gay penguins" at the New England Aquarium. I searched but I couldn't find it.
You can't blame Boston natives. In Indiana colleges recruit for basketball. In Massachusetts they recruit gays.
You would hear about gay bashing all the time and the locals threatened to cancel the St. Patrick Day Parade rather than let gays march. Come to think of it, that was before the sex scandals hit. Interesting.

Laura Swisher said...

Hey Northside,
I've read a few articles on Able Danger, but don't understand it fully. It appears as if politics trumped national security again and that agencies should have been communicating more with one another. This is just more incompetence.

Evyatar said...

That is so hot

Skippy said...

don't be surprised if Rick Santorum doesn't use your blog as proof that someone thinks he is right... as a resident of PA, that is not a good thing...

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