Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Vegetarians Are Sick in the Head

Because they've experienced unspeakable degradation...involving meat products. How else to explain why anyone would voluntarily give up eating meat? Meat is delicious. That's why non-meat products are made to taste meaty. You can find vegetarian "sausage" links that kind of sort of taste like actual sausage, but you never find Ribeye steak "florettes", created to mimic the taste of broccoli. Why is that? Because vegetables aren't mmmmmm mmmmm delicious.

So why do vegetarians exist? If you ask a vegetarian why he or she chooses a vegetarian lifestyle, you'll get many typical responses--"It's better for the environment", "I'm much healthier without meat", "Slaughterhouses are cruel to animals", "It's less expensive"...blah blah blah.

All these answers are designed to disguise the fact that at some point in a vegetarian's life, he or she was brutalized in unspeakable fashion, either physically or mentally, by a meat product. I've researched this and it is absolutely true.

If any of you have ever listened to Loveline, you know that people who were molested will often act out inappropriately, in a sexually inappropriate manner. This can manifest in many different ways, but it often involves choosing unavailable or abusive partners who recreate a pattern of abuse.

So it is with vegetarians. People who were attacked by farm animals as children are 50% more likely to end up as vegetarians. People who have been bludgeoned with salami in their past are 90% certain to become vegetarians. And EVERY SINGLE PERSON whose uncle smeared them in branschweiger and pelted them with head cheese while muttering, "Shhhhhh...this is our little secret," is now a vegetarian. EVERY SINGLE PERSON!

The important thing to note is that vegetarianism is reversible...provided a person seeks help. With proper counseling, people can return to eating meat.

I should know...

I used to be a vegetarian.

39 comments:

huck said...

You are one crazy baby eating lady.

Butternut said...

Mmmm... broccoli sausage and carrot dogs.

Vegetarians are silly people and I know a LOT of silly vegetarians. Most do it out of guilt for killing tasty animals. Some just don't like the taste of baby. I say, more meat for me, buddy!

I knew someone who was a no meat, no dairy, no eggs and no WHEAT vegetarian/allergic-o-matic. She could only eat rice and water, pretty much. It made going out to dinner a real challenge.

I wasn't molested but I do act out in a sexually inappropriate manner sometimes. At least that's what the Nuns said. No more donuts for them.

Loveline = goodness, Adam's new T.V. show = kinda weakness. Getting better though.

Why on earth were you a vegetarian/vegan/straight edge/wtf/no meat eater? Was San Fran. that much of a guilt trip?

Aaron said...

Ever met fundmentalist vegetarians. The ones that take it to the extreme? Almost forming terrorist cells to plan attacks on meat lovers? Those are the one that get me. The ones that patrol the streets with a pamphet in hand, trying to convert the masses.

Was Jesus a vegetarian? I only remember of him dealing with fish, bread and wine...which would translate to a Fish Fillet and a Coke at Mickey Dees now.

ChozSun said...

I am not a meat-eating psycho but I know what works for my body.

My wife is a non-red-meat eating hippie. I have gained weight and problems with digestion problems since lowering my red meat intake. When I do eat red meat, I lose weight within 24 hours and I have no problems with going to the bathroom. My body responds incredibly well to high levels of protein and I cannot get those same levels from freakin' chicken all the fucking time. I gotta switch to red meat, fish, tofu, eggs and beans.

Chicken does have protein in it but it fucks my system up something fierce. My brother is the exact same way. Anyone else out there depend on red meat for health?

Aaron said...

Choz.. I went for a period without eating red meat. I lost a lot of weight and got sick often. Figured it would be best to keep it as part of my diet.

Butternut said...

By the way, there's no scientific definition for red meat. Red meat = cow, but what about pork, ostrich (looks and tastes like cow but is a bird like chicken), elk, bison, etc. etc.

Sorry, venting from my old Physiology class.

Aaron said...

pork is the other white meat.

until you throw it on a grill and rub loads of sauce on it.

kimberlydavis55555 said...

Why even care what people eat or don't eat? If they don't eat meat, its their business, period.

kimberlydavis55555 said...

I don't waste my time worrying about how much meat people eat or don't eat, or how many vegetables they eat...gheesh! Get a life, people.

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