Monday, November 14, 2005

Another Good Reason to Go to the Library

Note to anyone who wants to kill their spouse: don’t Google killing advice from home, especially things like “Neck” and “snap” and “hold”. Use a public computer. Conversely, if you want to frame someone for killing his wife (or her husband), a good thing to do is break into the person’s home and search for terms like “breaking a man’s neck”, “shutting her up forever” and “killing her softly.” The coppers always suspect the spouse and when they do a little research, they’ll definitely search the computer.

Here’s another piece of advice: If you’re going to sexually abuse a minor, don’t take pictures of it on your cell phone. Actually, I shouldn’t say that. I encourage these people to commit acts of stupidity along with their atrocities. So, please, videotape your crimes and then keep the evidence on your hard drive or camera or whatever.

This is just a little Monday advice from me.

13 comments:

Butternut said...

Clue #2 : "discovered evidence found on nearly a dozen computers seized from Petrick's home."

Remind me to put a password on my phone. Wait, that doesn't sound right.

Sorry I haven't posted lately. I was busy moving butternut HQ to another part of the glorious San Fernando Valley. I will now resume my regularly scheduled blog comments.

Aaron said...

Great, finally a topic I can really speak about.

I work part time at a library, and our system had a recent change. You are no longer safe using the public terminals. You need a library card to get access to the internet, and whatever you do will be logged under your unique profile.

So if there IS something fishy going on, your name, address, and phone number all there and easy to grab.

The library I'm working for had an internal policy of trying to resist the patroit act, but the internet sign on system usually feed directly into it, whether they know it or not.

Aaron said...

so..I guess you have to stick to random violence from now on.

NickDSchultz said...

Laura, you scare me more every day...

First using Jujitsu with plastic spoons to kill people...

You see what I'm getting at. I don't particularly like it when people give me advice on how to get away with murder, because I notice it gets burned into my head, so I remember it forever.

I don't like the idea of knowing how to kill people without consequence... Or being able to delay my capture...

So please, stick to talking about eating babies...

...

I just read what I wrote... I'm really not improving your vision of me, am I? Yeah, you better talk Weezy into upgrading her home security system...

^_^

bloggerpost said...

Stop wasting your time posting here, use RSStoBlog to automatically create your own blog network.

NickDSchultz said...

By the way, congrats on your 150,000 page views, Laura.

My blog has about... 750.

^_^

Tim said...

Alright, I've given this a good 30 seconds of thought.

Laura you've been kind enough to chronicle some of your adventures here for us including but not limited to your work on W&TS and your blooming career.

Now listen, this is the important part: there are all kinds of crazy stuff on the Internet to view at days end which are not so disturbing - there are naked people doing freaky things to each other, music of all variety, funny video clips of kids kicking their dads in the nuts and flash games up the wazoo. Sure, there are headlines of terrible stuff all over the world AND Florida, but I just thought I'd mention this to you. You seem to be a very busy individual and as a busy individual I think we all hope that from time to time you are able to wrap up a long day of working toward the future by just having a little fun. You don't ALWAYS have to be our watchdog you know.

In the last two days a 20 year old killed the parents of his 14 year old girlfriend in Indiana but at the same time, NAKED PEOPLE ARE GETTING FREAKY WITH EACH OTHER TOO. I recommend a hint of the latter to purge your soul from the uber jeebies inspired by the former. And lastly I need to say that this is not a commentary on being calloused - I'm not suggesting we have a laugh at the tragedy in Indiana or even dismiss it - just - I don't know. We're so ready to learn that what we're doing is wrong or is hurting someone else that we're all becoming digital martyrs - bypassing on potential positive vibes out of a feeling of obligation to social injustice.

I'll tell you what’s an injustice - a woman such like you sitting up after an endless day of work quietly reading the horror stories that flood the news before bed.

As one of your Fanbois I opine that you are entitled - nay, you are obliged from time to time to feel lighthearted.

Thank you.

\end rant

Butternut said...

So you're saying you want more porn on Laura's blog?

NickDSchultz said...

Tim and butternut's posts work so well with eachother there. absolutely awesome.

Butternut said...

/bow

Tim said...

/curtsy

Roberto Iza said...
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