Saturday, November 05, 2005

Three Semen-related News Items

Two are real, one's partially made up...and it's pretty obvious.



Thief Steals $75,000 Worth of Bull Semen

WOLFSVILLE, Md. (AP) - Someone stole $75,000 worth of bull semen from a Frederick County farm, the sheriff's office says. Eric Fleming said the six small canisters of frozen semen taken from a liquid nitrogen tank represented four to five years of collection work.

He said he had planned to sell it and use the proceeds to expand his breeding herd of shorthorn beef cattle.

"I'm so depressed about this that I probably will get out of the cattle business," Fleming said Tuesday.

He said he found the semen missing from an outbuilding on his Stonewood Acres farm in northwestern Frederick County Sunday night.
Fleming said the canisters held the semen of 40 to 50 bulls.





Actor/Director Vincent Gallo Offers Reproductive Services For Fee

Typical websites for celebrities may feature t-shirts, dvds and bumperstickers, but not the one for Vincent Gallo. His is offering a much more personal souvenir -- for an extravagant price, though.

The actor/director is offering his services as a sperm donor at his merchandise website. That's right...for the sum of $1,000,000, Gallo is offering wannabe mothers the opportunity to be inseminated by in vitro fertilization (IVF) with his own donated sperm.

For an extra $500,000, Gallo will donate the sperm through natural means, but offers to waive the additional fee if supplied photos of the prospective mother are deemed beautiful enough for the actor to want to do the deed for free.

Reading through the actual listing, it's hard to tell whether the offer is Gallo's attempt at sarcastic humor, or the results of a twisted narcissistic mind. Some of the statements, which I'm loathe to print here, are definitely of a prejudicial nature and could be deemed offensive, regardless of the reasons behind such statements.

This wouldn't be the first time the artist has skirted controversy. Two years ago, Gallo's film, "The Brown Bunny" was banned and censured due to explicit sex scenes and advertising depiciting an oral sex scene from the film.

If you wish to read the complete listing, visit Gallo's official merchandise site at www.vgmerchandise.com. Personally, I can think of a better way to spend $1 million.





Exposure to Environmental Ozone Alters Semen Quality

Newswise — Exposure to increased ozone levels adversely affects developing sperm, leading to lower sperm quality, according to a study accepted for publication today by the peer-reviewed journal Environmental Health Perspectives (EHP). The results of this study may contribute to a better understanding of the causes of infertility for the estimated 2.1 million couples in the United States who have difficulty achieving a pregnancy.

Researchers analyzed semen samples collected from 48 regular donors to a sperm bank in the Los Angeles area and compared the quality of the samples with available air quality data. They found that exposure to elevated ozone levels near donors’ homes adversely impacted semen quality.

Sperm from Simi Valley tested the best, even factoring in the percentage of men who rode horses and wore tight-fitting Wrangler jeans. Clothing which presses the testicles close to the body tends to reduce sperm count due to the elevated temperature. Sperm in the 90028, or Hollywood area, showed a higher propensity toward freakish behavior post conception, and Topanga Canyon sperm counts were among the highest, though the spermatozoa were less in a hurry to fertilize anything, unless promised the beverage Rice Dream.

Besides ozone, the researchers also studied nitrogen dioxide, carbon monoxide, and fine particulate matter. Each of these air pollutants was believed to be capable of impacting sperm production. However, no similar association between sperm density and exposure to these air pollutants was found.

32 comments:

NickDSchultz said...

Wow... You managed to make a rather long blogpost all about man-goo... Uhm, congradulations?

If I were to guess, I'd say the second one was partially fake.

Chueyjoo said...

eurghhhhhh

yippie9 said...

If Madonna keeps her mouth shut she won't get caught!

Clinton Freeman said...

NOt too obvious. You fooled me.
You made the fake stories seem more plausible than the real one.
Great Job.

Estevan Carlos said...

yeah, Gallo was getting kind of quiet there for a second. We hadn't heard from him in a while.

Tim said...

Sperm, sperm, sausage and sperm.

Spanning time.

OsakaJack said...

So...this is about cows?

What?

Antonio Gramsci said...

I think I need to be more careful breathing in this New Orleans air...

Healer2K said...

"Fleming said the canisters held the semen of 40 to 50 bulls."

Must be the POST-Jordan Bulls. Pippen's alone would go for 100k, easy.

Sean said...

I suck at this game but I did discover one positive thing, the sperm pic makes for cool wallpaper on my desktop. :) Thanks Swish!

http://24.20.6.21:444/phpbb2/images/desktop.jpg

NickDSchultz said...

Holy balls, Sean!

That's a LOT of icons...

... I only have a few icons...

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/5943/desktop8oo.png

mman said...

Wow, you are to be commended. What a post.

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