Thursday, February 09, 2006
Raisin Bran Stock Will Plummet
Great news, dieters. An extremely comprehensive new study finds that a low-fat diet does not--repeat, does NOT--lower the risk of A-list diseases. This was the largest study to date on the matter and, over an eight-year period, Krispy Kreme devotees fared no better than Kashi lovers. There was no discernible difference in the rates of breast cancer, colon cancer, heart attacks and strokes.
I'm waiting for a comprehensive new study to come out on the effects of exercise and disease. Please let there be no correlation between exercise and reduced risk of disease. PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE. I really want to cancel my gym membership.