Thursday, February 09, 2006

Raisin Bran Stock Will Plummet














Great news, dieters. An extremely comprehensive new study finds that a low-fat diet does not--repeat, does NOT--lower the risk of A-list diseases. This was the largest study to date on the matter and, over an eight-year period, Krispy Kreme devotees fared no better than Kashi lovers. There was no discernible difference in the rates of breast cancer, colon cancer, heart attacks and strokes.

I'm waiting for a comprehensive new study to come out on the effects of exercise and disease. Please let there be no correlation between exercise and reduced risk of disease. PLEEEEEEAAAAAASE. I really want to cancel my gym membership.

6 comments:

Clinton Freeman said...

I hate being the first to comment.

I've been healthy and I've been sick. Healthy is better. Do eat or exercise because somebody says to. There's enough choices that I'm sure you can find one that makes you happy.

Just in case people don't tell you often enough without there being some kind of catch, you are bright, beautiful woman. Not because of what people think about you, but because of who you are.
Sooner or later people are going to learn to value the entire range of human diversity and learn to treat each other better.

VagabondLoafer said...

Well said Clinton.

ChozSun said...

I was sick when I heard this piece of crap report. Those scientists have a bigger responsibility in not letting the masses know what they found.

So what there is no link. That is not an excuse to eat garbage all the time.

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Matthew said...

That Bally's can really screw you with gym memberships. Plus, there's never a machine open during prime hours! That's why I've taken to urinating on a nordic trac to claim it like a wolf! A wolf that's into getting a good cardio run.

Clinton Freeman said...

Tim,

You're right. Touché.