Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ninjas: The Elephant in the Room

There's a lot of talk about how to protect this country, and much of it is focused on the lax security at our ports and borders. Indeed, on talk shows and editorial pages across the country, there is a firestorm of protest over the issues of illegal immigration and foreign control of our ports. And, like sheep with pens, journalists keep trotting out scary statistics. For example, less than five percent of shipping containers entering this country are searched. Supposedly this is dangerous because someone might be able to smuggle a "dirty bomb" into the country.

That's a cute little scenario, but there's an even bigger threat to national security and nobody wants to talk about it. Ninjas. How many Ninjas are smuggled into this country illegaly? Conservative estimates range from 10,000 to 50,000. Recently Chinese stoways were rounded up after inspectors discovered an empty shipping container. The illegal immigrants were wandering around the shipping yard. Do you know why we never read stories like this about ninjas? Because ninjas are only seen if they want to be seen.

So I was encouraged to read about the Feds capturing a ninja on a college campus. I thought we might finally be getting at the root of real homeland security. Naturally, it turned out to be a college student heading to a party. The scary thing is that college campuses are hotbeds of ninja activity. But because they lack proper training, no ATF agent is equipped to deal with them. And I worry that this story will make us laugh for a day or two and then we'll go on with our lives, as if this is all a fun joke.

It's time to wake up, America. The ninja threat is real. We ignore it at our own peril.


Butternut said...

The Chinese immigrants were afraid of persecution alright! From NINJAS!

There's an elephant in the room? Must be a ninja elephant because I don't see it.

I suggest the answer to the ninja menace is guard dogs for everyone. I also suggest Basset Hounds. I mean, c'mon, what ninja could get past one?

Feh, everyone knows pirates are cooler than ninjas.

velveeta said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
velveeta said...

I was suprised to hear about this story (especially from CNN):

Fredtimbo said...

Ninjitsu is Japanese.

Revenge of the Ninja is the best ninja movie ever. Although it does have some really bad acting.