Monday, May 08, 2006

Another Reason to Get Pregnant

Women have children for any number of reasons—boredom, torn condoms, curiosity, desire to live out one’s dream through a miniature version of oneself—but now they can add one more reason to the list: smarts. In her new book “The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter”, author Katherine Ellison argues that bringing a baby into the world might actually increase a woman’s mental acuity in a number of categories: efficiency, motivation, stress-coping and emotional intelligence.

A quick Google on the effects of motherhood appear to bolster her argument. According to a January 6, 2006 article in Scientific American, “New research indicates that the dramatic hormonal fluctuations that occur during pregnancy, birth and lactation may remodel the female brain, increasing the size of neurons in some regions and producing structural changes in others.”

In fact, this same research showed that mother lab rats did better than virgin rats in navigating mazes and capturing prey. Scientists didn’t comment on whether the mommy rats were considered “slutty” or not, limiting their studies to empirical observation of the brain. Nevertheless, it seems clear that virgins are stupid (our words, not theirs).

With any luck science will discover some other activity women can do to boost smarts that doesn't have such a long-term commitment.

Also, I wonder if Katie Holmes will come to her senses with her newfound smarts. At the very least she can expand her vocabulary beyond the word "amazing" in describing motherhood/her relationship/scientology...


Tim said...

I'm not poo-pooing the fun we collectively have at celebrity expense, but the Tom/Katie thing (yeah I know what to call it) reached it's apex for me today with this:

Just another celebrity lambasting site, but this picture is worth thousands of words. Look at her. She's pleading through her smile for a hint of normalcy. Look at Tom. Sans entourage he looks tiny in his tight pants and jacket. He looks small and she looks like a woman who just had a baby caught at her worst and smiling anyway for you. We're all so sure Tom Cruise has ruined this woman - that he through his belief in his admittedly bizarre religion he has removed any chance of a normal life she would have had - but in fact it's us that's ruined it for them both. Look at that shitty world they are living in. It looks shitty and cold. They are like our lab animals. The "camera man" is probably a scumbag of the highest magnitude, but he's on our side and we're on his without question. Look how miserable she is. You think it's because of that guy she's with? They are holding hands tightly like friggen captured animals. In short they look like people with shitty lives. The world this photo was taken from is less glamorous than any of the worlds they portray in film. A movie about their actual lives would suck. They envy you. Whatever it is about us that leers at them so mightily and with such ill intent makes us equally guilty for frightening and shit state of the world today. It's true, you know.

The upshot is that I think Angelina Jolie is insane and Brad Pitt is like her favorite sweater. She'll dump his ass in under a year (once she gives birth and gets smarter) and he'll be damaged goods because everyone will know his expiration date is 2 years max. I can't stand Angelina Jolie.

Laura Swisher said...

Thanks, Tim. I feel dirty now.

Clinton Freeman said...

Finally, a new entry.

Laura a lot of your recent entries have been about children or drugs.
I think I hear a Swisher biological clock ticking, but I can't see through all the smoke to be sure.
I am fanatical (at least, as fanatical as I get( about one thing, drugs and babies don't mix.

Tim said...

Sorry, we're all dirty. When people tell me how hot Angelina's lips are I like to tell them "she gets them from her dad you know".

Matthew said...

You know what else makes a woman smarter? A job.

Hey - O!!!!!!

Butternut said...

Damn scientists breeding their super rats with their big preggo mommy brains. They're trying to take over the world I tell ya! Next it will be monkeys that can type. Millions of them, trying to write some new Shakespeare or something else useful. Wait... that's the Internet. Ba-zing!

Why do we care if women get smarter? Just so long as they get pregnant. Now fetch me my slippers and pipe.

Now I feel dirty. Ew.

Clinton Freeman said...

I'll say it if no one else will.
The researchers hoped for results showing the key wasn't the fetus, but was the sperm.
We all know that the prospect of being able to impress women with their Standford-Benet scores had them drooling so much that both their pocket protectors and their high-waters were soaked 24/7.

As crazy as Jolie acts and as rotten as her relationship with her father seems, she's one of a few celebrities who is making real choices. Being able to make choices doesn't guarantee you will always make good ones.
Almost everybody else, especially the women, seems to be on autopilot and mindlessly recreating the circumstances where their father/brother/uncle/neighbor/teacher/clergy behaved inappropriately.