Sunday, June 25, 2006

Speechless

The headline reads, "Clowns 'Boost Fertility'", and there's a picture of a clown, a brightly-colored, vaguely-smiling clown. The clown's smile seems to say, "S'up?", like he's just hanging out with a bunch of large balloons behind him, no biggie.

In Israel, doctors are turning to clowns to help women get pregnant. I'm not kidding. Clowns are now on hospital payroll to have sex with, and impregnate, Israeli women. According to the article, women find clowns highly sensual and arousing, as well as non-threatening, and had a better chance of getting pregnant with a clown than with a man with a less-annoying profession.

Single, career-oriented women who want families, but don't have spouses, are turning to clowns, as opposed to Internet dating, to find fathers for their children. Under a new law, sperm donors no longer have to be anonymous and, in fact, can donate sperm, uh, directly to the patient. This has created a boon in the clown business.

But the new law has had unintended consequences. Parents are discovering that it's suddenly much more difficult to book clowns for childrens' parties because of their new duties. So other types of entertainment are getting in on the children's party market, such as mimes and psychics.

After I read the article I realized that Americans would never allow clowns to offer the same kind of service in this country, no matter what the health benefits to women are. If sex with clowns could cure cancer, there's no way our government would secure the funding to create the infrastructure to end cancer. Because Americans are too puritanical.

5 comments:

Blur said...

What an awful mental picture.

Tim said...

The clown in the photo of the article is a woman. Stranger, the "clown" in the story wears a friggen chefs hat and yellow and white vest. I think there may be something lost in translation that this = "clown", actually he is later referred to as "the restaurant chef character".

Is this hot? I can't figure it out. Would it get you hot to lay in bed talking to a guy in a chefs hat and yellow and white vest? By "hot" I mean "in a mood to conceive?" I think maybe we need to redistribute this "what makes women conceive" project to American scientists. Who will proscribe pills and possibly a diet overhaul. As a non scientist I can only recommend humping.

Clinton Freeman said...

Great job Laura.

To quote the story, "Dr Friedler has a theatrical background himself, having graduated from the Jacques Lecoq school of mime in Paris."

I would think it might help to go to someone who graduated from medical school.

Butternut said...

So this clown graduated from Jacques LeCoq mime school... Jack The Coq... and now helps with in-vitro fertilized mothers. Perfect.

ChrisCross said...

Heh... it's like an old Warner Bros. cartoon. Be a good rooster and scare the chickens so hard they spit out the eggs.... hundreds of eggs.

What are they thinking.

Aren't people scared of clowns?