Monday, June 26, 2006

Transvestites Terrorize New Orleans

Shop keepers in New Orleans are jumpy. At the first sign of a flourescent wig, they alert fellow business owners: "They're coming!"

This is better than fiction. New Orleans is literally facing a crimewave by men in skirts with designer tastes.

The transvestites first appeared in March when they raided Magazine Street like a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls, said Davis, using clockwork precision and brute force to satisfy high-end boutique needs.

They first hit Vegas March 31 while Ogle was working.

“They come in groups of three or four. One tries to distract you while the others get the stuff and run out the door. It’s very simple,” Ogle said.

Has someone optioned this story? Because I smell a Wayans Bros. movie. "From the producers that brought you 'White Chicks', comes the hilarious sequel, "White Chicks Two: Bitch, Gimme Some Gucci". Marlan and Sean play tough cops that have to go undercover as transvestites. Mediocrity ensues.

The transvestites are described as African American males that range in height from 6'0 feet to 6'5 feet. I can already hear Marlan and Sean lisping threats with feminine bravado.


Tim said...

I read all of this and tried to lay it against my own experiences in Vegas then I realized it wasn't in Vegas at all. How the hell did I think New Orleans was Vegas? Oh yeah! There both on the list of top 5 places the apocalypse will begin. Also I don't associate post Katrina New Orleans with uber expensive shopping, and I imagine the overall security in New Orleans doesn't hold a candle to Vegas. I know if I was a member of a roving band of marauding tranny shoplifters it would be high on my list of places to hit.

That's twice in one lame post New Orleans appears on a list that nobody should ever want to be on.

"Mediocrity Ensues"!

Clinton Freeman said...

Transvestite shoplifting and "smash and grab" gangs are nothing new. There have been reports about them operations in Florida and Long Island going back years.
I wonder which civil liberties violations the Bush\Cheney\Rumsfeld\Gonzales "Fuck the Constitution" secrecy tour will justify by supposedly combating these terrorists.

Matthew said...

6 foot tall trannies? Marlon and Shawn Wayans? Sequel? Ka-Ching!!!

Butternut said...

"They all wore the same midriff shirts and wigs with twisted, dreadnaught hair."

They could just get jobs as clowns in Israeli hospitals. Didn't they graduate from Jacques LeCoq too?

Clinton Freeman said...

A movie about 6 ft tall transvestite fertility clown Wayans Bros, just screams for the whole family to be involved.
Better a reunion of "In Living Color."
Better shill they can all be mimes, so they won't even have to write one of their shitty scripts.