Tuesday, October 03, 2006

New Boobs Are for My Health

I'm going to do it. I'm getting breast implants. Not because I'm vain and want more attention, but because I care about my health. Many people will assume it's because I've started stripping again. Although that's true, my soon-to-be-enormous breasts might well be what stand between me and death. So please, don't judge me.

13 comments:

Butternut said...

"But survival as well as beauty comes at a price as the woman burst her silicon implants in the crash."

She only survived because her boobies were make of rocks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silicon

I strongly suggest against implants and for stripping. I loved that Unscrewed episode.

David Maynor said...

I am all for the idea, you can never be two safe. You should start a donation site, “Get the Swish to DD to save her life!”

Clinton Freeman said...

Laura -- you kidder.

Tim said...

"The two cars were crumpled past recognition in the crash but the woman's silicon breasts acted as airbags and saved her life," Standart wrote, citing eyewitness reports.

CITING EYEWITNESS REPORTS?

Blur said...

Here's an idea, how about driving a car with air bags??? Haven't those been standard for about 15 years now?

And Laura, your personal flotation devices are fabulous as they are.

Eddie said...

With Detroit spiraling into the toilet vis-a-vis their Japanese competition, here's a safety feature many Americans (or at least most of the guys) will be happy to rally behind and restore GM and Ford to their rightful place as the true automotive giants of the world. What do the Japanese know about breast implants? America leads the world in breast implant research (I'm pretty sure we do, I've been to LA.) The ancilliary spinoff products will even create a job multiplying effect.

Incorporate an ass-kicking stereo system into them. Your 12-inch hooters now come with 12-inch woofers! One huge fricking power amp that can generate up to 1000 WHATS!? from passersby.

GM can even start a new product line. Your guy wants a Hummer? Well, for the ladies we now have a Hooter!

The Ford Bronco? Restyled and renamed as the Ford Bazonga, or maybe the Ford Funbag.

One warning to GM. Don't include the Oldsmobile division in this.

Pimp my boobs!

VagabondLoafer said...

I read where a pedestrian who recently received a penile implant was able to escape serious injury in Vermont last week by vaulting clear of a car that had run a red light.

rodericx said...

ehm well... send pictures after the intervention...

Yogifish said...

Please don't change the natural beauty of your tits. Even though I've never seen them in full view, my imagination would be destroyed.

To think that your form was created by an act of GOD inspires me to live a clean and wholesome life. If you where to give in to the temptations of SATAN and allow the cosmetic demons to mold you to their BIMBOish design, I would be drawn to a life of crime.

Save us sweet angel from hell :)

Robert Rhodes said...

No. I'm sorry.

Based on what I just saw you wearing on VH1's "40 Dumbest Celeb Quotes Ever," there's no need for further.. uh.. improvement.

RLR

Tim said...

"Watch a show I've been working on" - 2 comments

"I am an alcoholic" - 2 comments

Finding out that your breasts elicit 500% more attention from us guys than anything else; even online - priceless.

Tim said...

Ok now wtf - where are you Laura?

Lord Playboyman said...

I think that's a gerat idea. How big are you going to make them ?