Sunday, January 11, 2009

Note to Karate Instructors: Don't Take on Wimp Students

Especially if kid's parents have black belts in coddling.

A karate instructor in Virginia was charged with child endangerment for repeatedly kicking an 11-year-old student:
Susan Bateman, a third-degree black-belt instructor in Suffolk has been charged with child endangerment, the (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot reported Wednesday.

Bateman, 47, is said to have challenged her students to take as many kicks as they could stand, according to a police report of the Nov. 7 incident.
Not that many details of this story are given in the article, but I'm guessing that if the teacher has been around for at least 25 years, she's probably doing something right. That means that this child's parents are the most histrionic in the school's 25-odd years and are most likely douchebags. Again, I am basing my opinion on nothing but my gut. The article doesn't say whether the child suffered any actual injuries like internal bleeding, broken bones or loss of teeth. I'm going to assume the injuries, if he sustained any, were superficial.

This story brought back many memories. When I was eleven I studied piano. My instructor was old-school. She used to hot-glue our fingers to the keys and shout out "C minor!", "B flat!", "A sharp!". If any of us missed a note, we'd experience her disappointment in the form of a metronome crashing into our skull or spine. For a 62-year-old, she had quite the arm. My back is now a map of raised scars thanks to her. The point is this: I have no idea how to play the piano, but I learned a little thing called character. That's something kids today need more of.

I can only hope that Susan Bateman survives this accusation and will go on to kick more children.

On that note, here's a clip from The Foot Fist Way for your amusement:


Pierce said...

Thats a fantastic way for a mom to paint a target on her childs back! Nothing says "I love my kid" like getting them rolled by an entire class on karate students.

And yet again I have to move "The Foot Fist Way" up over "In Bruges" on my Netflix queue. I've flip flopped them about 3 times today.

Laura Swisher said...

I liked "In Bruges" better than "The Foot Fist Way". You should switch your order again.

tankboy2902 said...

I know the feeling. I'm also being tortured in a school. If I have to load one more ghost image on a server I'll be the one kicking people 200 times. Who would think to put a tech school in Oklahoma?

I've come to understand what being a flyover state is and why coastal people should avoid them. As I understand the comedic career path, succeeding involves spending many years in places like this, each night and town quickly blending into a bland unrecognizable melange of forgotten names. What I don't understand is exactly how does this hone one's skills? Or is it just a steady paycheck?

Being a captive audience (= I don't have my tivo) I'm browsing through more tv channels then I normally would.Things I've observed:

--the Golf Channel proves that old white guys run the world. It does not inspire the words 'ratings giant'. If I was ever stuck in a tv Pleasantville-like I'd go over to the Military Channel, steal a tank, and kill everyone on it. Or even better, go over to the History Channel and see if I couldn't commandeer the Enola Gay from Paul Tibbets. Tiger Woods? An unfortunate but necessary bit of collateral damage.

--Amanda Tapping would make a good stalking target. I never noticed, but she's kind of cute. Not Laura-hot but still pretty nice. Wait, maybe I'm wrong about that. No offense Laura, but if I'm going to stalk someone it should 1) add value to their career (any press is good press), and 2) be worth becoming someone's prison bitch for. NOT THAT I'M SAYING IT WOULDN'T BE WORTH BECOMING SOMEONE'S PRISON BITCH TO STALK
LAURA, but what does SHE get out of it? The truly faithful, engaged stalker would try to produce a win-win situation for everyone.

Amanda appears normal and mellow. Cut to scene of my successful stalking: she's in her safe room, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up and her back against the door. I'm on the other side in the same position, facing
the opposite direction. The director does that long shot that shows both of us in dark silhouette with the door (1) between us. Maybe I'm smoking, cause I'm evil. We're quietly talking (because I'm a normal nut). I ask her about the most boring parts of filming a show like Stargate, and what's in her Netflix queue. Cops bust in, twist ending*, end scene.

'Queue' is too long of a word. It should be 'que' or 'q'. I'm betting this word took a detour through french or some other romance language before it stopped in english.

(1) I don't know why, but in scenes like this the door has to be atomic bomb blast proof thick. Or inch-thick steel with very prominent rivets. And painted grey. Painting it to match your color scheme is apparently bad. And rivets imply strength, except on the Titanic or to people who know about the strength of materials. This is why engineers aren't allowed on movie sets.

* Sorry, not a pro, can't think of one.

That's it for the evening. Four and counting.

Tim said...

Though I missed her by way of moving to town in second grade, our elementary school growing up had a legendary bitch named Mrs. Seplowicz. Ever year kids would piss themselves in their chairs because they she was a vicious old twat who would yell at them if they wanted to go to the bathroom.

I thinks he taught for six hundred years - at least fifty.

I can never since equate duration or stay with righteousness. Actually I tend to think it's in the later years of madness/repetition that the evil starts showing.

Her punishment: let dolph lundgren kick her 11 times.

Tim said...

In Bruges was awful I'm sorry.

Butternut said...

"The Foot Fist Way" wasn't very funny. I wanted to like it, but no. Maybe Susan needs a kick in the abdomen.