The Danger of Facebook's Photo Tagging Feature

It took a few years, but my high school and college friends have recently discovered Facebook. How do I know? Because pictures of me that belong in a dusty shoebox hidden underneath old sweaters in peoples' closets are suddenly starting to resurface. No, not the cute college pictures. The other ones. The ones that reveal my questionable choice of attire, before I discovered skin care salons or Russian eyebrow waxers.













I don't think Facebook should allow any pictures online that were scanned from prints. It's BS. It also makes me wonder if I have any friends. Do these "friends" harbor resentment toward me? Did I offend them back in the day? Is this their revenge?

I'm going to do some soul-searching now.

Also, I taped an interview with National Lampoon Radio yesterday that will air next Thursday on Sirius. Or is it XM? I think I embarrass myself. It's all a blur now. But if you have satellite radio, and want to hear me put my foot in my mouth and insult a lot of nice people, check it out.

More Proof Change Has Come

The racism pendulum has started to swing the other way! In England, two girls are banned from their classes for being "too blonde". Won't be long before school dress codes adopt hip hop attire.

By the way, this picture does not look like the work of a photojournalist. Did the "Daily Mail" get a freelancer from "Maxim"?

Barack & Michelle: Unconventional Role Models

All I know is, 1600 Pennsylvania will never be the same.

Le Chien Mauvais

Former French president Jacques Chirac was viciously bitten, ou mordu, by his bijon frise named Sumo.

The dog is said to have been upset and on anti-depressants.

The breed in question, bijon frises, are often mistaken for poodles, but they're not. They live their entire lives constantly having to explain to people that, non, sont PAS poodles. This makes them angry and depressed and if they don't turn to alcohol to cope, they turn to violence, especially if they're also saddled with an unfortunate name, as Sumo was.

I wish Chirac a speedy recovery.

Au revoir.

Si Se Bebe!

Am I reading too much into this?

Last night I performed at a dive bar in Glendale, CA, a place I've performed many times before. In the middle of my set, the bartender bought me a Heineken. Now, I don't want to say that this wouldn't have happened under a Bush administration...but SERIOUSLY! This would NOT have happened to me yesterday.

Driving home, I came across a drunk marching band in my neighborhood shouting Obama. Granted, this would likely happen under Bush, BUT NOT ON A TUESDAY NIGHT.

Again, I'm going to do my best not to read too much into these things. I'm curious, though, how many other people are experiencing these types of mini miracles? I bet there are a lot of stories.

Not Peanut Butter Jelly Time

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you all it is no longer peanut butter jelly time. Feel free to set your watches to simply "Jelly Time", if it makes you feel any better.

In the event you only read this blog to stay informed, here's the bad news. The AP is reporting that:

People should avoid eating cookies, ice cream and similar products that contain peanut butter until the government knows more about possible salmonella contamination. But there is no indication that major brands of peanut butter sold in stores are a problem.

All of us are obviously broken up about this, and want to celebrate peanut butter again, as soon as it's safe. The FDA is monitoring the situation and will update the public with the latest news on its website.

In the meantime, I would like to invite you all to share your thoughts and/or concerns in the comment section. Let this be a community where we can share our feelings over the situation and find support.

That is all for now.

Note to Karate Instructors: Don't Take on Wimp Students

Especially if kid's parents have black belts in coddling.

A karate instructor in Virginia was charged with child endangerment for repeatedly kicking an 11-year-old student:

Susan Bateman, a third-degree black-belt instructor in Suffolk has been charged with child endangerment, the (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot reported Wednesday.

Bateman, 47, is said to have challenged her students to take as many kicks as they could stand, according to a police report of the Nov. 7 incident.

Not that many details of this story are given in the article, but I'm guessing that if the teacher has been around for at least 25 years, she's probably doing something right. That means that this child's parents are the most histrionic in the school's 25-odd years and are most likely douchebags. Again, I am basing my opinion on nothing but my gut. The article doesn't say whether the child suffered any actual injuries like internal bleeding, broken bones or loss of teeth. I'm going to assume the injuries, if he sustained any, were superficial.

This story brought back many memories. When I was eleven I studied piano. My instructor was old-school. She used to hot-glue our fingers to the keys and shout out "C minor!", "B flat!", "A sharp!". If any of us missed a note, we'd experience her disappointment in the form of a metronome crashing into our skull or spine. For a 62-year-old, she had quite the arm. My back is now a map of raised scars thanks to her. The point is this: I have no idea how to play the piano, but I learned a little thing called character. That's something kids today need more of.

I can only hope that Susan Bateman survives this accusation and will go on to kick more children.

On that note, here's a clip from The Foot Fist Way for your amusement:

I'm Just an Adorable Lil' Panda!

I'm cute and cuddly.


Look into my panda eyes.


Come over here.


A little closer.


I won't hurt you. I promise!


Sucker.

Porn Industry Seeks Government Fluffer

The porn industry is facing hard, er, times just like everyone else. According to CNN, Hustler's Larry Flynt is looking to get in on the government bailout game.

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

Joe Francis of "Girls Gone Wild" fame will also seek money as well.

Personally? I think they should get the money. I think Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson should say, "I think you dropped something", and when Larry's spokesperson bends over to pick the $5 billion off the floor, we'd hear the signature "bom chika wow wow" we've grown to love.